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Fewer people are visiting shops to make their purchases. what are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.

Fewer people are visiting shops to make their purchases. what are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.

essaydiscussionOnline ShoppingLocal Businesses
Writing Structure
Nowadays, it is becoming less popular among individuals to shop in person. There are a vast number of people who believe this new trend possess significant disadvantages whereas others oppose to this statement. This essay will discuss both point of views by giving examples from the faculty of psychology of Harvard University. It is well known that in-person shopping has been decreasing in popularity among society. Some strongly believe that it requires a vast amount of time to drive to physical stores, which can be used in more significant activities such as spending time with their families or practicing a hobby. Another disadvantage of this ancient habit is the negative impact to the environment, as people usually would have the necessity of increasing driving hours which can lead to the rise of air pollution levels. Additionally, the cost in gasoline could also affect the household budget of the entire family. Therefore, it is abundantly clear the detriments of shopping in stores rather than through the Internet. On the other hand, it cannot be overlooked that experts on the mental health field have debated about on-line shopping rather than in-person, as individuals who spend a significant time on computers could face isolation in the long term due to the lack of human contact. Empiric research by the faculty of psychology of Harvard University showed that 90% of patients diagnosed with depression lacked of social support. Thus, it is imperative for people to interact with others in order to maintain a healthy state of mind. Additionally, visiting local stores could contribute to the economy of a city, as the budget of small businesses usually is limited for publicity campaigns, therefore they rely their advertisement on customers, to increment their sales. Therefore, the positive impacts on society of purchasing in stores cannot be disregarded. In conclusion, from the arguments and examples given, I firmly believe that the advantages of shopping in person outweigh the disadvantages as it is clear that it facilitates social interactions as well as contributes to the local economy of a city.
Introduction
Background Information

Thesis Statement

Outline Statement

Body Paragraph 1
Topic Sentence

Supporting Sentence

Supporting Sentence

Body Paragraph 2
Topic Sentence

Supporting Sentence

Supporting Sentence

Conclusion
Restatement of Thesis

Overall Band Score: 6.5
Task Achievement
6.5
The essay addresses the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of the trend. However, the arguments could be more developed and supported with clearer examples.
Lexical Resource
6
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and some inaccuracies in word choice. The essay lacks a wider range of vocabulary.
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, some ideas could be better linked, and transitions between points could be smoother.
Grammatical Range
6
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are errors in sentence formation and punctuation that affect clarity.

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