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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message.

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message.

essaydiscussionChild DevelopmentEducation
Writing Structure
Introduction
Background Information

Thesis Statement

Body Paragraph 1
Topic Sentence

Supporting Sentence

Body Paragraph 2
Topic Sentence

Supporting Sentence

Conclusion
Restatement of Thesis

Overall Band Score: 6.5
Task Achievement
7
The essay addresses the task effectively, discussing both advantages and disadvantages of the message given to children. However, some points could be developed further with more examples or evidence.
Lexical Resource
6
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and a lack of variety in word choice. Some phrases could be more sophisticated.
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the flow of arguments could be improved.
Grammatical Range
6
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are some errors in punctuation and sentence complexity. More complex sentences could enhance the writing.

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