Task Achievement
The essay addresses both views and provides a personal opinion, but the arguments could be more thoroughly developed and supported with examples.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and a lack of variety in word choice. Some phrases could be more precise.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, some ideas are not fully developed, and transitions between points could be smoother.
Grammatical Range
The essay demonstrates a basic command of grammar, but there are several grammatical errors and some sentences lack complexity. More varied sentence structures would enhance the writing.