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The maps below show the centre os a small town called Islip as it is now, and plans for it's development. v.1

The maps below show the centre os a small town called Islip as it is now, and plans for it's development. v. 1
Young people are indeed a group of people in the society, which should be protected. A vast majority doesn't have enough experience to protect themselves fully, so how to ensure safety of young generations remains a highly controversial issue. Nevertheless, I think that such a strong law, which prohibit students to go away late, doesn't solve the problem. Personally, I believe that such an approach won't decrease crime rate and it would cause other serious problems. To begin with, going late at night doesn't necessarily put you in a dangerous position. The statement that darkness means danger can be discussed and argued. According to an article which I recently read, statistically crimes don't occur during the night more during the day. Furthermore, some places are utterly free every time, they are highlighted constantly and no risk would emerge there. It's a highly controversial statement that night activity should be controlled so much. Secondly, a strong law like this definitely makes a young person less free and doubly possible benefits cost such a high price. I could imagine myself being in such a situation and I would be quite depressed due to this illogical and strict approach. Even in my family any prohibition would somehow destroy my relationship with parents. Speaking of the government, the risk to raise generations who would like anarchy emerges. To sum up, a law shouldn't make so strong restrictions on a person's liberty. In conclusion, strong methods of solving problems don't prove themselves as reliable ones, especially in situations when their usage is not justified. Overall, our society should tend to find compromises where possible.
Young
people
are
indeed
a group of
people
in the society, which should
be protected
. A vast majority doesn't have
enough
experience to protect themselves
fully
,
so
how to ensure safety of young generations remains a
highly
controversial issue.
Nevertheless
, I
think
that such a
strong
law, which prohibit students to go away late, doesn't solve the problem.
Personally
, I believe that such an approach won't decrease crime rate and it would cause other serious problems.

To
begin
with, going late at night doesn't
necessarily
put you in a
dangerous
position. The statement that darkness means
danger
can
be discussed
and argued. According to an article which I recently read,
statistically
crimes don't occur during the night more during the day.
Furthermore
,
some
places are
utterly
free every time, they
are highlighted
constantly
and no
risk
would emerge there. It's a
highly
controversial statement that night activity should
be controlled
so
much.

Secondly
, a
strong
law like this definitely
makes
a young person less free and
doubly
possible benefits cost such a high price. I could imagine myself being in such a situation and I would be quite depressed due to this illogical and strict approach. Even in my family any prohibition would somehow
destroy
my relationship with parents. Speaking of the
government
, the
risk
to raise generations who would like anarchy emerges. To sum up, a law shouldn't
make
so
strong
restrictions on a person's liberty.

In conclusion
,
strong
methods of solving problems don't prove themselves as reliable ones,
especially
in situations when their usage is not justified.
Overall
, our society should tend to find compromises where possible.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The maps below show the centre os a small town called Islip as it is now, and plans for it's development. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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