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The maps below show the centre of a small town called Islip as it is now, and plans for its development. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The maps below show the centre of a small town called Islip as it is now, and plans for its development.
In the evaluation of the human history, life started getting easier with the inventions of the machines and thoughtful ideas to develop the machines. With the progress of science, various ideas have started getting implemented, lessening the human efforts. But as a coin has 2 sides, the disadvantage of this evaluation resulted into the new problems and concerns. According to me, the drawbacks of the machines getting introduced in almost all the industries are more than the disadvantages. This essay will throw the light on the heavier side. Initially, when there is no much progress in science and machine development, human efforts are required. Because of which, there is a large number of employment and living standards are maintained. For example, when there were textile manufacturing meals, large number of people have jobs and their life is more stable with the regular incomes. But once the machines introduced in the textile industry, they lost their jobs and income stopped which resulted in many other problems of living and getting normal lives. Another thing is that, manual efforts were given exercises of the body which was the source of much healthier lifestyle. But when machines were introduced, people started becoming lazy and previous healthy life style got pampered. This resulted in unhealthy and disease prone lives now a days. So in my opinion, to maintain the healthy and happy lifestyles, converting all the industries automated should be judged and tested with all other circumstances and then only they should get allowed with large number of machines.
In the evaluation of the human history, life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
getting easier with the inventions of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
and thoughtful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
. With the progress of science, various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
getting implemented, lessening the human efforts.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
as a coin has 2 sides, the disadvantage of this evaluation resulted into the new problems and concerns.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, the drawbacks of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
getting introduced in almost all the industries are more than the disadvantages. This essay will throw the light on the heavier side.

Initially
, when there is
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
much progress in science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
development, human efforts
are required
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of which, there is
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
employment and living standards
are maintained
.
For example
, when there were textile manufacturing meals, large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have jobs and their life is more stable with the regular incomes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
once the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
introduced in the textile industry, they lost their jobs and income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
which resulted in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other problems of living and getting normal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Another thing is that, manual efforts were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
exercises of the body which was the source of much healthier lifestyle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
were introduced
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
becoming lazy and previous healthy life style
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
pampered. This resulted in unhealthy and disease prone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in my opinion, to maintain the healthy and happy lifestyles, converting all the industries automated should
be judged
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
with all other circumstances and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
with large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The maps below show the centre of a small town called Islip as it is now, and plans for its development.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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