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The chart shows the percentage of households in owned and rented accommodation in England and Wales between 1918 and 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. v.1

The chart shows the percentage of households in owned and rented accommodation in England and Wales between 1918 and 2011.
It is sometimes argued that tourists from foreign countries should pay more than local residents to visit important sites and monuments. While I believe there are several reasons why this might be true, I would argue that foreign and local visitors should be charged equally. Once overseas travellers come to a country for their visit and have to pay with a higher cost for travel conveniences, they feel they are being discriminated against; that is, they will not come back for relaxing activities. In this case, the host country would suffer from the great loss of income stemming from this non-smoke industry, whereby many people will become unemployed when tourism is perceived as contributing to economic development. To take Thailand as a shining example, this land is referred to as the paradise of travelling, moreover, it has gained significant achievement in this vital field thanks to providing all kinds of tourist services with reasonable prices for both local people and foreign ones. Conversely, some people are of the view that domestic persons have a right to different forms of travel and pay a lower cost for the following rationales. For the initial reason, local people have paid taxes for the government so that their country has enough money for preserving historic buildings or cultural heritage, and it is better if the leaders know how to encourage more and more people to enjoy tourism activities via having a decrease in fees for tickets to the poor and students so as to help them have more opportunities to grasp traditional and cultural features and to have a better insight of the preservation of such treasures. To avoid the feeling of discrimination, discounts on traditional and historical festivals and events or domestic people will be a great help. From what I have mentioned above, I can reach a conclusion that in order to ensure the sustainable development of tourism, each nation needs to attempt to create equal fees for all kinds of persons regardless of their nationality. Similarly, financial support to underprivileged individuals or students is still an appreciated action - the more tourism is developed, the better the economy of the nation will be.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that tourists from foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should pay more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents to visit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
sites and monuments. While I believe there are several reasons why this might be true, I would argue that foreign and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
visitors should
be charged
equally
.

Once overseas
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for their visit and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay with a higher cost for travel conveniences, they feel they are
being discriminated
against;
that is
, they will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back for relaxing activities.
In this case
, the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
would suffer from the great loss of income stemming from this non-smoke industry, whereby
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will become unemployed when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is perceived
as contributing to economic development. To take Thailand as a shining example, this land
is referred
to as the paradise of travelling,
moreover
, it has gained significant achievement in this vital field thanks to providing all kinds of tourist services with reasonable prices for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and foreign ones.

Conversely
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the view that domestic persons have a right to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
forms of travel and pay a lower cost for the following rationales. For the initial reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have paid taxes for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money for preserving historic buildings or cultural heritage, and it is better if the leaders know how to encourage more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
activities via having a decrease in fees for tickets to the poor and students
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them have more opportunities to grasp traditional and cultural features and to have a better insight of the preservation of such treasures. To avoid the feeling of discrimination, discounts on traditional and historical festivals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
or domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.

From what I have mentioned above, I can reach a conclusion that in order to ensure the sustainable development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
, each nation needs to attempt to create equal fees for all kinds of persons regardless of their nationality.
Similarly
, financial support to underprivileged individuals or students is
still
an appreciated action
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is developed
, the better the economy of the nation will be.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The chart shows the percentage of households in owned and rented accommodation in England and Wales between 1918 and 2011.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
362 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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