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The bar chart below shows the top ten countries for the production and consumption of electricity in 2014. v.3

The bar chart below shows the top ten countries for the production and consumption of electricity in 2014. v. 3
The chart illustrates rank number 1 to 10 of countries which produced and consumed the electricity in 2014. In order, those top ten nations are China, United States, Russia, Japan, India, Canada, France, Brazil, Germany, and Korea. The electricity production in China as the first place reached 5. 398 billion KWH then it is followed by the slightly under amount of consumption. The similar pattern of under 100 billion KWH gap between the produced and the consumed electricity among these nations were applied for Russia, Japan, Brazil, and Korea during this period. On the other hand, some other countries such as United States, India, Canada, and France showed significant different amount between how much they produced and used electricity for over 100 billion KWH. Meanwhile, the usage of electricity in Germany was 582, 5 billion KWH. Whereas, the production was only 526. 6 billion KWH which means that Germany still had lack of electricity production.
The chart illustrates rank number 1 to 10 of countries which produced and consumed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
in 2014. In order, those top ten nations are China, United States, Russia, Japan, India, Canada, France, Brazil, Germany, and Korea.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
production in China as the
first
place reached 5. 398
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
KWH then it
is followed
by the
slightly
under amount of consumption. The similar pattern of under 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
KWH gap between the produced and the consumed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
among these nations
were applied
for Russia, Japan, Brazil, and Korea during this period.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other countries such
A determiner is probably missing here: "as the United States".
as United States
, India, Canada, and France
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
amount between how much they produced and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
for over 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
KWH.

Meanwhile, the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
in Germany was 582, 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
KWH.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, the production was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
526. 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
KWH which means that Germany
still
had lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
production.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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IELTS essay The bar chart below shows the top ten countries for the production and consumption of electricity in 2014. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
155 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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