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The bar chart below shows the top ten countries for the production and consumption of electricity in 2014. v.2

The bar chart below shows the top ten countries for the production and consumption of electricity in 2014. v. 2
Nowadays, both the entertainment and the science industries are flourishing. Many people argue that entertainers deserve more recognition than scientist, while others glorify scientists. As far as I am concerned, science plays a vital role in developing society and should be recognized more than artists. First and foremost, efforts of scientist help not only an individual, but contribute towards larger parts of the population. New inventions, research and discoveries on various aspects lead to the well-being of many others. For example, gene scissors, invented by one biochemist based in Vilnius pose as a solution to cure incurable diseases and conditions. On the contrary, entertainment provided by various artists is only temporary and usually is dedicated to small groups of individuals. On the other hand, the entertainers posses the ability to be seen in the media. Their success is based on the sales, the view counts and the time they are on TV. Therefore, they hold the power to influence others which can be used to educate. For instance, Bill Nye is famous for his curiosity promoting Science Show. To conclude scientists and entertainers are hardly comparable professions. I hold the opinion that the artists do not deserve the attention that they are receiving, however, if they contributed with the scientist both could benefit.
Nowadays, both the entertainment and the science industries are flourishing.
Many
people
argue that entertainers deserve more recognition than
scientist
, while others glorify
scientists
. As far as I
am concerned
, science plays a vital role in developing society and should
be recognized
more than artists.

First
and foremost, efforts of
scientist
help
not
only
an individual,
but
contribute towards larger parts of the population. New inventions, research and discoveries on various aspects lead to the well-being of
many
others.
For example
, gene scissors, invented by one biochemist based in Vilnius pose as a solution to cure incurable diseases and conditions.
On the contrary
, entertainment provided by various artists is
only
temporary and
usually
is dedicated
to
small
groups of individuals.

On the
other
hand, the entertainers posses the ability to be
seen
in the media. Their success
is based
on the sales, the view counts and the time they are on TV.
Therefore
, they hold the power to influence others which can be
used
to educate.
For instance
, Bill
Nye
is
famous
for his curiosity promoting Science
Show
.

To conclude
scientists
and entertainers are hardly comparable professions. I hold the opinion that the artists do not deserve the attention that they are receiving,
however
, if they contributed with the
scientist
both could benefit.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The bar chart below shows the top ten countries for the production and consumption of electricity in 2014. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
213 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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