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Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls is separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls is separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. v. 1
There is an argument about educating children either they are boys or girls. Some parents think about the separated schools to learn their children in, but the others have another point of view, which is learning in mixed school will be more beneficiary for children. In fact, I totally agree with the second opinion because mixed schools have advantages over the separated ones. Firstly, if the students are educated in a unisex school, they will gain an experience of how to deal with the same gender. Which can be considered as one of the benefits of such schools. But, there are some drawbacks for boys to deal with boys only, also the same thing for girls, because they will grow up in a closed community and be more different than the whole society that the live in. For example, after getting the school grades they will continue their academic education at universities where there is no separation. Moreover, a male can sit beside a female on the same bench without any hesitation. On the other hand, the mixed schools have more advantages than the others. Some of these are, the pupils will communicate with the other gender on a daily basis, which gives them an advantage to understand the others and increase their communication and negotiation skills. Furthermore, these skills are very important, not only during the higher education, but also during their work and how to choose their partner. For instance, if a boy decides to engage a girl he has to understand her needs to be a successful relationship. So, the question is, how can we split the two genders and God create them to live together? To summarize, there are different ways of thinking which will affect the personality of the children. There is no doubt that parents need their children to be well educated, but they have to influence positively on their type of personality as it will continue life time.
There is an argument about educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
either they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
or girls.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the separated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to learn their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the others have another point of view, which is learning in mixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will be more beneficiary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In fact, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the second opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
mixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have advantages over the separated ones.

Firstly
, if the students
are educated
in a unisex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they will gain an experience of how to deal with the same gender. Which can
be considered
as one of the benefits of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
,
also
the same thing for girls,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will grow up in a closed community and be more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Did you mean 'different "from"? 'Different than' is often considered colloquial style.
than
the whole society that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.
For example
, after getting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
grades they will continue their academic education at universities where there is no separation.
Moreover
, a male can sit beside a female on the same bench without any hesitation.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the mixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have more advantages than the others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of these are, the pupils will communicate with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
gender on a daily basis, which gives them an advantage to understand the others and increase their communication and negotiation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Furthermore
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
during the higher education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
during their work and how to choose their partner.
For instance
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boy
decides to engage a girl he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
understand her needs to be a successful relationship.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the question is, how can we split the two genders and God create them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
together?

To summarize
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways of thinking which will affect the personality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. There is no doubt that parents need their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
influence
positively
on their type of personality as it will continue
Did you mean "lifetime"?
life time
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls is separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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