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Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate on only those subjects that they find interesting. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate on only those subjects that they find interesting. Discuss both views and give your opinion

essaydiscussionEducationTeenagers
Writing Structure
A prevalent notion exists that kids should equally focus on all disciplines; yet, many contend that they should exclusively study subjects of their preference. I partially concur with this latter assertion. For many years, numerous persons firmly thought that students should exclusively study subjects of their choosing. First of all, teenagers have a chance to enhance their motivation and interests. Because not only does studying rely on their passions and interests, but it also has to make children comfortable and free; therefore, it can encourage them to have lifelong study. Secondly, it is an opportunity for students to align their education with their career goals. For example, a student who dreams of becoming a doctor will focus on biology or chemistry. Thus, it can build skills directly applicable to their future career. Last but not least, when they choose their own path academy, they can have personalized learning, recognizing their own characteristics so that it can improve both their confidence and comfort. On the other hand, teenagers focus on all subjects, which fosters several benefits. Firstly, they can improve many skills. Because they have to study both math and art, they can develop both their two hemispheres of the brain. Thus, it is able to enhance critical thinking, creativity, and flexibility. In addition, they can broaden their horizons. When they concentrate on all fields, they have a chance to be exposed to both natural and social subjects. Besides, they can also have many experiential and practical lessons, which is a reason why they can easily tackle real-world problems. Finally, it is high time for students to explore themselves. When studying, they can know what subject they find interesting. Thus, it can help students make an easier decision to choose their future career. To conclude, these are the reasons why I partially agree with the latter opinion.
Introduction
Background Information

Thesis Statement

Body Paragraph 1
Topic Sentence

Supporting Sentence

Body Paragraph 2
Topic Sentence

Supporting Sentence

Conclusion
Restatement of Thesis

Overall Band Score: 6.5
Task Achievement
6.5
The essay addresses both views and provides a personal opinion. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, and some points lack supporting evidence.
Lexical Resource
6
The vocabulary used is adequate but lacks variety and sophistication. Some phrases are repetitive, and there are instances of awkward word choices.
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, some ideas could be better linked, and transitions between points could be smoother.
Grammatical Range
6
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are errors in sentence construction and punctuation that affect clarity.

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