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Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.7

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. v. 7
Co-education has been a topic of debate for many years. While some people believe that this system is detrimental to the growth of children as it distracts them from studies, I along with others believe that stying in mixed schools inculcate not only the feeling of respect among the peers, but also broadens their way of thinking. On the one hand, some people oppose the mixed school education as according to them this leads to the distraction of students from their studies and hindrance in their career growth. The crucial reason for this is that while boys and girls studying together, they generally get attracted toward opposite gender and indulge in close friendships, which often takes their mind away from academics. As a consequence, their academic grades lower down and they get diverted from the original goals of their life. Therefore, considering the numerous cases of young students running away from homes due to indulgence in love affairs, this education system is not supported. On the other hand, those who believe that co-education is beneficial for the students assert that this way of learning makes the students rational thinkers and educate them to respect the person of opposite gender. This is because when girls and boys study at same platform they often share the workload, eat and play together, and develops a bond of friendship which certainly abolishes the shyness among them and, moreover, boost their level of confidence. To exemplify, a study by the Oxford University states that students studying in mixed schools are more confident as compared to the ones in separate schools. Hence, I also support this view. In conclusion, although some people oppose the co-education system due to its detrimental effect on the studies of children, in my opinion, this way of education is advantageous in terms of their personal development.
Co-education has been a topic of debate for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that this system is detrimental to the growth of children as it distracts them from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, I along with others believe that
Possible spelling mistake found.
stying
in mixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
inculcate not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the feeling of respect among the peers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
broadens their way of thinking.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
oppose the mixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
education as according to them this leads to the distraction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and hindrance in their career growth. The crucial reason for this is that while boys and girls studying together, they
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted toward opposite gender and indulge in close friendships, which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
takes their mind away from academics. As a consequence, their academic grades lower
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
down and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
diverted from the original goals of their life.
Therefore
, considering the numerous cases of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
running away from homes due to indulgence in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
affairs, this education system is not supported.

On the other hand
, those who believe that co-education is beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
assert that this way of learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
rational thinkers and educate them to respect the person of opposite gender. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when girls and boys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at same platform they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
share the workload, eat and play together, and develops a bond of friendship which
certainly
abolishes the shyness among them and,
moreover
, boost their level of confidence. To exemplify, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
by the Oxford University states that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
studying in mixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are more confident as compared to the ones in separate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Hence
, I
also
support this view.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
oppose the co-education system due to its detrimental effect on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
of children, in my opinion, this way of education is advantageous in terms of their personal development.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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