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Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.6

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more attending mixed schools. v. 6
Some individuals believe that mixed-gender schools are more effective in imparting education to children. Whilst, others believe that gender specific schools are more appropriate. In my opinion, children should be enrolled in gender-neutral schools as it resembles with the structure in which society operates. On the one hand, individuals prefer gender specific schools because they focus on activities that are more appropriate according to the roles children will play once they grow up. For example, Girls school focus more on activities like sewing, arts, and cooking while boys schools have activities which focus on developing physical strength. I do not agree to this approach of imparting knowledge, as concept of gender based roles used to hold true in older times. On the other hand, parents and caregivers are inclined to get children admitted to a school where both gender study together. They believe in this approach as, according to them, both men and women function together and does not live in isolation to each other. If children will grow up together they will be more ready to adjust and better understand the approach of the opposite gender. For example, An organization study revealed that mixed gender teams outperform single gender teams in performance. To conclude, people who hold traditional viewpoint of raising children prefer gender specific schools as opposed to others and me, who believe in mixed gender schools to prepare children for the future. I will recommend, gender specific schools to incorporate more activities which are gender neutral to better prepare their students for upcoming challenges.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that mixed-gender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are more effective in imparting education to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Whilst, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that gender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are more appropriate. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be enrolled
in gender-neutral
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
as it resembles with the structure in which society operates.

On the one hand, individuals prefer gender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that are more appropriate according to the roles
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will play once they grow up.
For example
, Girls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
focus more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like sewing, arts, and cooking while boys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which focus on developing physical strength. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this approach of imparting knowledge, as concept of gender based roles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to hold true in older times.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, parents and caregivers
are inclined
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
admitted to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
where both gender
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "studies".
study
together. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
in this approach as, according to them, both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women function together and does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in isolation to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Consider removing 'will'. (Usually, 'will' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless in the sense 'want to' or 'be willing to'.)
will grow
up together they will be more ready to adjust and better understand the approach of the opposite gender.
For example
, An organization study revealed that mixed gender teams outperform single gender teams in performance.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who hold traditional viewpoint of raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
prefer gender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
as opposed to others and me, who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
in mixed gender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for the future. I will recommend, gender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to incorporate more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which are gender neutral to better prepare their students for upcoming challenges.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more attending mixed schools. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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