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Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.18

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. v. 18
Education plays a vital role in the development of children. It is believed by some people that studying in a single-sex school is beneficial for students, whereas other argue that female and males achieve extra advantages by educating them in a co-education system. In my opinion, I strongly agree that children ought to be learnt in a mixed curriculum. Both sides of the argument would be elaborated followed by a reasoned conclusion. On the one hand, some people perceive that educating girls and boys in a segregated manner is favorable for them. In other words, some religion demands children to study in single-sex schools because it builds a secured environment for them. For example, majority of Islamic countries offer single gender education because of stringent traditional values, as it is believed that females and males require different approach for their growth. Additionally, children are going through many physical and psychological changes and there are possibilities that they might be indulged in playful and mischievous behaviors. Therefore, studying in gender-specific schools has its own merits for disciplined progress of children. On the other hand, it is often argued that co-education is optimum for students and I agree. Firstly, mixed schools deemed to provide equality which evades gender discrimination and as a result respect between two genders is buildup. Moreover, co-education would improve teamwork which could be advantageous in future career for students. For instance, a research conducted by Oxford University illustrated that 28% of girls and boys have same potential to accomplish their goals and tasks with cooperation. Consequently, co-ed schooling reduces the attitude of conservative thinking. In conclusions, while people may vary in their opinion, I think that mixed education enhances understanding among different genders. Hence, Parents should encourage themselves to teach their children in co-education system.
Education plays a vital role in the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that studying in a single-sex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is beneficial for students, whereas other argue that female and males achieve extra advantages by educating them in a co-education system. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
ought to be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
in a mixed curriculum. Both sides of the argument would
be elaborated
followed by a reasoned conclusion.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
perceive that educating girls and boys in a segregated manner is favorable for them.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
religion demands
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to study in single-sex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it builds a secured environment for them.
For example
,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
Islamic countries offer single gender education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of stringent traditional values, as it
is believed
that females and males require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
approach for their growth.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are going through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
physical and psychological
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and there are possibilities that they might
be indulged
in playful and mischievous behaviors.
Therefore
, studying in gender-specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merits for disciplined progress of children.

On the other hand
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that co-education is optimum for students and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
.
Firstly
, mixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
deemed to provide equality which evades gender discrimination and
as a result
respect between two genders is buildup.
Moreover
, co-education would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
teamwork which could be advantageous in future career for students.
For instance
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
conducted by Oxford University illustrated that 28% of girls and boys have same potential to accomplish their goals and tasks with cooperation.
Consequently
, co-ed schooling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the attitude of conservative thinking.

In conclusions, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may vary in their opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that mixed education enhances understanding among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
genders.
Hence
, Parents should encourage themselves to teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in co-education system.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. v. 18

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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