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Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. v.16

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. v. 16
Type of educational system is a matter of concern of many parents. Therefore, some fathers and mothers are in favour of separate academic institutions for opposite sexes. Whereas, some contradict this by saying that co-education is the best way of teaching our children. I personally belief that educating our younger generation in a mixed environment is a better strategy. This essay will analyse both views before reaching any concrete conclusion using examples of the Oxford University research and the Time Magazine survey to demonstrate points and support claims. On the one hand, people who advocate that boys and girls have different school where there is no chance of mix up, think that age between grade 5 to grade 12 is not a right choice and should be avoided in any case. Furthermore, attraction towards opposite sex sometimes result in distraction and they start concentrating less on studies. For example, Oxford University in 2015 conducted a research on the teenage behaviour and found that between 13 to 19 years, mind is immature and mostly take wrong decisions. So from this example, it is clear that sending younger generation to the schools of their same sex is the best option. On the other hand, those who criticize the former view think that sending kids in co-education schools removes shyness and they learn how to deal their opposite sex community in a better way. Additionally, this saves the government valuable resources in establishing schools for both sexes and that money would be utilized to improve research in that area. Similarly, a survey of Time Magazine in 2016 suggests that 80% of fathers and mothers are in favor of sending their kids to co-ed institutions. So from this example, it is clear that nowadays people give priority to co-ed system because of its countless benefits. To conclude, despite of some cons of sending boys and girls to mixed schools still its benefits are more convincing. And for this very reason, I totally admire this system and consider it the education of the future. In the future, more and more people will gravitate towards this mode of instruction because of its potential positive outcomes.
Type of educational system is a matter of concern of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fathers and mothers are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of separate academic institutions for opposite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sexes
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
contradict this by saying that co-education is the best way of teaching our children. I
A verb is probably missing after 'personally'.
personally belief
that educating our younger generation in a mixed environment is a better strategy. This essay will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
both views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching any concrete conclusion using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examples
of the Oxford University research and the Time Magazine survey to demonstrate points and support claims.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who advocate that boys and girls have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
where there is no chance of mix up,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that age between grade 5 to grade 12 is not a right choice and should
be avoided
in any case.
Furthermore
, attraction towards opposite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sex
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
result in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
distraction and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
concentrating less on studies. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, Oxford University in 2015 conducted
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
on the teenage
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and found that
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 13 and 19".
between 13 to 19
years, mind is immature and
mostly
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
decisions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sending
younger generation to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
of their same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sex
is the best option.

On the other hand
, those who criticize the former view
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sending
kids in co-education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
removes
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
shyness and
they learn how to deal their opposite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sex
community in a better way.
Additionally
, this saves the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
valuable resources in establishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sexes
and that money would
be utilized
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
research in that area.
Similarly
, a survey of Time Magazine in 2016 suggests that 80% of fathers and mothers are in favor of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sending
their kids to co-ed institutions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
give priority to co-ed system
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its countless benefits.

To conclude
,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sending
boys and girls to mixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
still
its benefits are more convincing. And for this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
reason, I
totally
admire this system and consider it the education of the future. In the future, more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will gravitate towards this mode of instruction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its potential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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