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Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Other, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed school. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.10

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Other, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed school. v. 10
It is observed in some cities that cars are more favorable than bikes while a contrasting pattern in seen in other places. This happen due to some reasons but personally, I am in greater favor of the belief that cycling should be encouraged rather than driving cars. The greater prevalence of car driving than pedaling in some cities can be attributed to a couple of reasons. Firstly, with regard to time efficiency, cars prove superior to bikes. This makes sense, especially when individuals need to travel long distances in the shortest time. However, if people opted for bicycles in the same situations, it would take them double or triple amount of time travelling to reach the destination, which is undoubtedly inconvenient for users. Secondly, cars bring people a sense of safety and security. For instance, car users are more likely to avoid intentional robberies or unexpected weather conditions such as lightning and whirlwind which may be life-threatening. Despite the benefits of car driving, cycling has still gained popularity in some cities, and my explanation for this is twofold. The first reason is that this means of transport bestows a positive impact on the environment. Unlike cars emitting exhaust fumes to worsen air quality, bikes are absolutely nature-friendly dur to no burning of fuels such as oil and gas. Another reason is that cycling is a popular choice to prevent some fatal diseases. Scientific studies have shown that riding bikes on a regular basis can lower the risk of cancers and heart attacks. Therefore, it is well-advised for individuals to travel by biked on a more regular basis. In summary, each means of transportation has its unique advantages. Yet, regarding the long-term impacts, I am inclined to believe that it is better to use bicycles frequently than cars thank to its environmental and health benefits.
It
is observed
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cities that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
are more favorable than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bikes
while a contrasting pattern in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in other places.
The verb 'happen' is plural. Did you mean: "This happens"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This happen
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
personally
, I am in greater favor of the belief that cycling should
be encouraged
rather
than driving cars.

The greater prevalence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
driving than pedaling in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cities can
be attributed
to a couple of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
.
Firstly
, with regard to time efficiency,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
prove superior to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bikes
.
Did you mean "these"?
This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
sense,
especially
when individuals need to travel long distances in the shortest time.
However
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opted for bicycles in the same situations, it would take them double or triple amount of time travelling to reach the destination, which is
undoubtedly
inconvenient for users.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
a sense of safety and security.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
users are more likely to avoid intentional robberies or unexpected weather conditions such as lightning and whirlwind which may be life-threatening.

Despite the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
driving, cycling has
still
gained popularity in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cities, and my explanation for this is twofold. The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that this means of transport bestows a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the environment. Unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
emitting exhaust fumes to worsen air quality,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bikes
are
absolutely
nature-friendly
Possible spelling mistake found.
dur
to no burning of fuels such as oil and gas. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that cycling is a popular choice to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fatal diseases. Scientific studies have shown that riding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bikes
on a regular basis can lower the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of cancers and heart attacks.
Therefore
, it is well-advised for individuals to travel by biked on a more regular basis.

In summary, each means of transportation has its unique advantages.
Yet
, regarding the long-term impacts, I
am inclined
to believe that it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
bicycles
frequently
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
thank to its environmental and health benefits.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Other, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed school. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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