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Some people think History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. v.1

Some people think History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. v. 1
International aid is a voluntary transfer of resources from one country to another. I disagree with the given statement that governments should not give aid to poor countries if there are underprivileged people within their own country. I believe that the developing and developed countries should always step forward to help the impoverished countries. My first argument is that if unemployment and homelessness are the criteria for not giving aid, then there would be no support on humanitarian grounds at all. Some degree of unemployment and homelessness is there even in the most developed countries such as the USA and the UK. If such nations stop giving aid, then there would be no one to help the poverty stricken world. For instance, according to statistics of 2013, nearly 6% people in the USA were unemployed, but aid given by the USA was $30 billion approximately. Even the developing countries such as India have allocated some part of their budget for foreign aid. Secondly, most aid indirectly helps the donor country, such as for resource extraction from the recipient country or to gain some commercial access. For example, the MNCs opened in India as a part of foreign assistance, no doubt, are providing jobs to many youngsters, but in fact is paying them much less than what they have to pay their own country’s employees. Many foreign companies have opened their retail outlets in India because India is a strong commercial market due to its burgeoning population. Therefore, aid works as a win-win situation for both the giver and the taker countries. Furthermore, in emergencies or natural calamities such as earthquakes and tsunamis, all nations should come forward and help. Aid need not be monetary; it can be in the form of volunteer workers or providing goods needed by the affected people. Such help should be given even if there are situations within the nation needing attention. This also strengthens relations between countries. To sum up, I reiterate my opinion saying that all countries should help by giving foreign aid, even if there are problems of unemployment and homelessness within them.
International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
is a voluntary transfer of resources from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to another. I disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should not give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
to poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
if there
are underprivileged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
within their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. I believe that the developing and developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should always step forward to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the impoverished countries.

My
first
argument is that if unemployment and homelessness are the criteria for not giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
, then there would be no support on humanitarian grounds at all.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
degree of unemployment and homelessness is there even in the most developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as the USA and the UK. If such nations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
, then there would be no one to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
poverty stricken
world.
For instance
, according to statistics of 2013,
nearly
6%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the USA
were unemployed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by the USA was $30 billion approximately. Even the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as India have allocated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of their budget for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
aid.

Secondly
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
indirectly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
the donor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, such as for resource extraction from the recipient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
or to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
commercial access.
For example
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
MNCs
opened in India as a part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
assistance, no doubt, are providing jobs to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in fact is paying them much less than what they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
employees.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have opened their retail outlets in India
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
India is a strong commercial market due to its burgeoning population.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
works as a win-win situation for both the giver and the taker countries.

Furthermore
, in emergencies or natural calamities such as earthquakes and tsunamis, all nations should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Aid
need not be monetary; it can be in the form of volunteer workers or providing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
needed by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
even if there are situations within the nation needing attention. This
also
strengthens relations between countries.

To sum up, I reiterate my opinion saying that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
by giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
, even if there are problems of unemployment and homelessness within them.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Some people think History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
350 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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