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Some people say History is the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people say History is the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. v. 1
Some of them are of the opinion that history is really significant for our educational life. However, others believe that science and technology are more demanding in these days. In my opinion, I believe that science and technology are more advantageous, because it is effective for the future. In the next paragraphs, I will discuss both sides of this issue. First of all, history is a really important and an interesting subject. The reason for this is that it's increasing the knowledge about the important facts of our earth and the people who made a huge difference in our recent life. For example, the person who invented the electricity made a lot of difference for our future. Moreover, all those experiments in the past made it possible to make use of computers and mobile phones these days. All in all, that's why it is really important to get the basic lectures to be aware of the important times that happened. On the other hand, science and technology can enhance your knowledge. This is because it can be helpful in the daily lifestyle and also for the future, by choosing a career. For example, a lot of students only realise their future career when they actually do something with it. When they actually know what they will expect in a specific job. So that's why, it is better to have those topics at the educational institutes. To conclude, it is considered by some that history is more significant as a subject. Others think that science and technology are a lot more beneficial. In my opinion, I believe that science and technology have more positive effects on the education, because it can be used positively in a daily routine and can have an effect at the upcoming time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them are of the opinion that history is
really
significant for our educational life.
However
, others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are more demanding in these days. In my opinion, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are more advantageous,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is effective for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. In the
next
paragraphs, I will discuss both sides of this issue.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, history is a
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
and an interesting subject.
The reason for this is
that it's increasing the knowledge about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
facts of our earth and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who made a huge difference in our recent life.
For example
, the person who invented the electricity made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
difference for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
Moreover
, all those experiments in the past made it possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers and mobile phones these days. All in all, that's why it is
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the basic lectures to be aware of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
times that happened.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can enhance your knowledge. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can be helpful in the daily lifestyle and
also
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, by choosing a career.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
career when they actually do something with it.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
they actually know what they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
in a specific job.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that's why, it is better to have those topics at the educational institutes.

To conclude
, it
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that history is more significant as a subject. Others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are a lot more beneficial. In my opinion, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
have more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on the education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
positively
in a daily routine and can have an effect at the upcoming time.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say History is the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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