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Some people say History is one the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people say History is one the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. v. 1
In recent times, students have to study a significant number of subjects at school. History is said that is more important than the subject while others believe that learning related to the technology and science has more than benefits than history. This essay will be discussed about both arguments and I will give my own opinion on the matter. On the one hand, it is ought to be important for the students to gain the knowledge about the ancient time in school. To begin with, the modern life we live in originates from our ancestors without the knowledge and helpful information we provide by the previous generations, it will be a challenge for our generations to achieve cutting-edge achievements like what we have. Moreover, studying History helps to preserve the traditions and cultural identity, to create a unique point of each nation between the generations. For example, students will be taught about the history of the dance or the songs of the ethnic minorities through the images so traditional activities will be conserved. On the other hand, we cannot deny the fact that our world is as it right now due to increase the science and technology. Initially studying science and technology in school would provide us with the practical knowledge, which can be a good tool to help us in the future life. Furthermore, our lives have become more convenient and comfortable thanks to the development of technology. For instance, in the past, it took a month to send the letter to each other, but nowadays, we can send it by smartphones, which can access the Internet to send the messages in a second. To sum up, although Science and technology bring a numerous of benefits for the students future life in the long term, it is also necessary for them to gain historical information to know more about cultural traditions.
In recent times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
study a significant number of subjects at school.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
is said
that is
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than the subject while others believe that learning related to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
has more than benefits than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. This essay will be
Did you mean simply "discussed both"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discussed about both
arguments and I will give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion on the matter.

On the one hand, it is ought to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to gain the knowledge about the ancient time in school. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the modern life we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in originates from our ancestors without the knowledge and helpful information we provide by the previous generations, it will be a challenge for our generations to achieve cutting-edge achievements like what we have.
Moreover
, studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to preserve the traditions and cultural identity, to create a unique point of each nation between the generations.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
be taught
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of the dance or the songs of the ethnic minorities through the images
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
traditional activities will
be conserved
.

On the other hand
, we cannot deny the fact that our world is as it right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
due to increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
Initially
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in school would provide us with the practical knowledge, which can be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
tool to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us in the future life.
Furthermore
, our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
have become more convenient and comfortable thanks to the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
For instance
, in the past, it took a month to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
the letter to each other,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
it by smartphones, which can access the Internet to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
the messages in a second.

To sum up, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
bring
The phrase 'a numerous of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a numerous of
benefits for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
future life in the long term, it is
also
necessary for them to gain historical information to know more about cultural traditions.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people say History is one the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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