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Some people say history is one of the most important subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like science and technology are more important than History. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people say history is one of the most important subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like science and technology are more important than History. v. 2
Certain individuals believe that it is very vital that history as a course be taught in learning institutions while some others consider scientific technique and automation far more essential, giving the present day evolution. This essay aims at exploring both views, although I am of the opinion that the latter has proven to be more valuable. To begin with, the learning of science and technology has given rise to certain inventions and innovations which has succeeded in making life easier. Since the invention of machines, take for instance, the computer; life in general has become more convenient as people can now work from their comfort zones with working made less stressful and less cumbersome. Additionally, scientific approaches have made breakthrough discoveries in the areas of medicine; this has successfully proffered solutions to various ailments and even ways to ensure safety from deadly diseases. For example, the recent discovery of corona virus was made possible by the familiarity in this field. Evidently, this area of learning has made living better and safer. On the other hand, despite the enormous benefits of above discussed discipline; studying the past also has certain values which may be one of the reasons certain persons believe it is crucial. Being enlightened in the aforementioned area can help keep abreast cultural heritage and likewise prevent bad cycles from the past reoccurring in the future. For example, a historical river of over 200 years in my town with the capacity to claim swimming victims lives, was marked off and banned from usage in recent years. This clearly was made possible because some group of people were aware of it, in other words ancient knowledge came into play. In conclusion, in as much as studying history has certain benefits, I reiterate that the expertise of scientific knowledge and automation promises more and thus, should be prioritised over the former in institutions of learning.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Certain
individuals believe that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
vital that history as a course
be taught
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
institutions while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others consider scientific technique and automation far more essential, giving the present day evolution. This essay aims at exploring both views, although I am of the opinion that the latter has proven to be more valuable.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
of science and technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
rise to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
inventions and innovations which has succeeded in making life easier. Since the invention of machines, take
for instance
, the computer; life
in general
has become more convenient as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
work from their comfort zones with working made less stressful and less cumbersome.
Additionally
, scientific approaches have made breakthrough discoveries in the areas of medicine; this has
successfully
proffered solutions to various ailments and even ways to ensure safety from deadly diseases.
For example
, the recent discovery of
The term "coronavirus" (= disease) is spelled as one word.
corona virus
was made
possible by the familiarity in this field.
Evidently
, this area of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
has made living better and safer.

On the other hand
, despite the enormous benefits of above discussed discipline; studying the past
also
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
values which may be one of the reasons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
persons believe it is crucial.
Being enlightened
in the aforementioned area can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
abreast cultural heritage and
likewise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
cycles from the past reoccurring in the future.
For example
, a historical river of over 200 years in my town with the capacity to claim swimming victims
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
was marked
off and banned from usage in recent years. This
clearly
was made
possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were aware of it,
in other words
ancient knowledge came into play.

In conclusion
, in as much as studying history has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
benefits, I reiterate that the expertise of scientific knowledge and automation promises more and
thus
, should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritised' is British English.
prioritised
over the former in institutions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say history is one of the most important subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like science and technology are more important than History. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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