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some people say History is one of the most important subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

some people say History is one of the most important subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, Science and Technology are more important than History. v. 1
It is widely acknowledged that in this day and age, the current generation firmly believes that history is the vital subject. Meanwhile, others consider that science and technology is more indispensable in this modern era. Both sides of this argument will be discussed in my essay below, however personally I would lean towards the latter. First of all, I believe that this can be attributed to a host of motivations why history is crucial. Due to the fact that history is a good reflection of the past, thanks to this insightful subject, the current generation can learn from our ancestors mistakes. Also, students can correct their actions and do not make the same fault. Moreover, by acquiring more knowledge of history, students can conceive how our ancestors lived, struggled against with many adversaries as well as Mother Nature. By the way of example, it is clear that all teenagers and adults are infinitely grateful for Uncle Ho- the first president in Viet Nam, they know that thanks to studying history. Meanwhile, numerous learners believe that science and machinery should not be underestimated. First, it is without dispute that discipline and automation are the compulsory subjects at almost school. As in this modern era, acquiring more knowledge of technique and machinery can help students know exactly the program of some modern devices such as robot, and it helps a lot in contributing to encouraging economic development. In addition, thanks to system and automation, people can have a comfortable life. By the way of example, in the past, if students wanted to update information, they usually had to commute to libraries, but nowadays they just learn via internet. Hence, information and automation are a solid foundation for future development. To sum up, in my personal point of view, much as past can be a common choice among students, science and technology should be taken more attention as all the aforementioned ideas.
It is
widely
acknowledged that in this day and age, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation
firmly
believes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is the vital subject. Meanwhile, others consider that science and technology is more indispensable in this modern era. Both sides of this argument will
be discussed
in my essay below,
however
personally
I would lean towards the latter.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I believe that this can
be attributed
to a host of motivations why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is crucial. Due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reflection of the past, thanks to this insightful subject, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation can learn from our ancestors mistakes.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can correct their actions and do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the same fault.
Moreover
, by acquiring more knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can conceive how our ancestors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
, struggled against with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adversaries
as well
as Mother Nature. By the way of example, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and adults are
infinitely
grateful for Uncle Ho- the
first
president in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Nam, they know that thanks to studying history.

Meanwhile, numerous learners believe that science and machinery should not
be underestimated
.
First
, it is without dispute that discipline and automation are the compulsory subjects at almost school. As in this modern era, acquiring more knowledge of technique and machinery can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
know exactly the program of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
modern devices such as robot, and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a lot in contributing to encouraging economic development.
In addition
, thanks to system and automation,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can have a comfortable life. By the way of example, in the past, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
wanted to update information, they
usually
had to commute to libraries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
learn via internet.
Hence
, information and automation are a solid foundation for future development.

To sum up, in my personal point of view, much as past can be a common choice among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, science and technology should
be taken
more attention as all the aforementioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay some people say History is one of the most important subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, Science and Technology are more important than History. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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