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Some people say History is one of the most important schools subjects. Other people think, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people say History is one of the most important schools subjects. Other people think, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. v. 2
Schools have become effective institutions recently, playing a major role on children’s future path. Hence, there is an argument over the issue of which subjects are more vital to be taught in schools. Some people believe History has always been one of the most necessary ones, while other would say that novel topics such as Science and Technology have lead the way as the requirements of modern lifestyle. Although there are valid reasons for both group’s statements, I, personally, would lean towards the former. From some people standpoint, it is an indisputable fact that never has the world witnessed such an exponential industrial growth throughout its history. Entailing to every aspects of life, Science and Technology are warranted to be acquired by all members of society, especially the young generation. This knowledge lead to practical projects which culminate in a more revolutionized society, while history is just a theoretical subject with no vivid future. Thus, these subjects should be compulsory at schools. On the other hand, at the other end of this spectrum, there is a strong believe that history is a pivot through which identity turn. If pupils study history, they will be more informed about their cultural heritage and as a result, they will feel more sense of belonging. Moreover, broadening students’ knowledge of their culture, ethos and ancestors, History would exert a profound influence over their understanding of the world. During this process, children and teenagers not only become familiar with different eras and civilizations, but also have more mental stability. So it can be said that, History motives students to enhance their society in different fields even Science and Technology. By way of conclusion, both History and Science and Technology are essential topics these days. History, nonetheless, as the mother of all sciences should be considered as schools’ priority. By taking this approach, students will be more determined to build their society, which is also the ultimate target of Science and Technology.
Schools have become effective institutions recently, playing a major role on children’s future path.
Hence
, there is an argument over the issue of which subjects are more vital to
be taught
in schools.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
has always been one of the most necessary ones, while other would say that novel topics such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
have lead the way as the requirements of modern lifestyle. Although there are valid reasons for both group’s statements, I,
personally
, would lean towards the former.

From
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
standpoint, it is an indisputable fact that never has the world witnessed such an exponential industrial growth throughout its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. Entailing to every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "aspect"?
aspects
of life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
are warranted
to
be acquired
by all members of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
especially
the young generation. This knowledge lead to practical projects which culminate in a more revolutionized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a theoretical subject with no vivid future.
Thus
, these subjects should be compulsory at schools.

On the other hand
, at the other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of this spectrum, there is a strong
Did you mean "belief" (noun) instead of believe (verb)?
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is a pivot through which identity turn. If pupils study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, they will be more informed about their cultural heritage and
as a result
, they will feel more sense of belonging.
Moreover
, broadening students’ knowledge of their culture, ethos and ancestors,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
would exert a profound influence over their understanding of the world. During this process, children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
become familiar with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
eras and civilizations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
have more mental stability.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it can
be said
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
motives students to enhance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and Technology.

By way of conclusion, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
are essential topics these days.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
, nonetheless, as the mother of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sciences
should
be considered
as schools’ priority. By taking this approach, students will be more determined to build their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, which is
also
the ultimate target of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people say History is one of the most important schools subjects. Other people think, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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