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some people say history is one of the most important school subjects, other people think that in today's world; subject's like science and technology are more important than history. Discuss both these view and given your own opinion. v.2

some people say history is one of the most important school subjects, other people think that in today's world; subject's like science and technology are more important than history. v. 2
There is an ongoing debate between which subject is important history or science and technology. In my view, science and technology are more important, but history also has its place. Let us discuss more about this in detail. First, learning ancient civilization and past events are essential to humans. In order to understand the culture and the greatness of the nation, history plays a vital role. Anthropology is a subject which deals with the study of people in the olden days and present days. Also, studying old cultures has sometimes been beneficial to the nation's pecuniary interests. Take an instance, the United States Historical Department announced that it had found a wealth of approximately 30 million dollars in the form of gold in the desert. Through this discovery will be advantageous to Montana state. On the flip side, day by day technology is emerging as a global force by giving opportunities to the people across the globe. In addition to this, students and the younger generation are more inclined towards science. For example, globally only 3% of students are studying anthropology where as massive 70% of the younger generation has a penchant for technology. Numerical advancements had been invented in the last five decades, which makes life much happier for the people over all the nations. As a matter of face, parents also would like to see their offspring in high paying skilled jobs rather than in low paying jobs. This is possible only with the science. The conclusion is, even though technology is important there should be given towards our past history as a matter of respect. However, the nation also encourages students to acquire knowledge about the nation and its past.
There is an ongoing debate between which subject is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
or science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. In my view, science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
also
has its place.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us discuss more about this in detail.

First
, learning ancient civilization and past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
are essential to humans. In order to understand the culture and the greatness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
plays a vital role. Anthropology is a subject which deals with the study of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the olden days and present days.
Also
, studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
cultures has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
been beneficial to the nation's pecuniary interests. Take an instance, the United States Historical Department announced that it had found a wealth of approximately 30 million dollars in the form of gold in the desert. Through this discovery will be advantageous to Montana state.

On the flip side, day by day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is emerging as a global force by giving opportunities

to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
across the globe.
In addition
to this, students and the younger generation are more inclined towards science.
For example
, globally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3% of students are studying anthropology
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
massive 70% of the younger generation has a penchant for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. Numerical advancements had
been invented
in the last five decades, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
life much happier for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
over all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. As a matter of face, parents
also
would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their offspring in high paying skilled jobs
rather
than in low paying jobs. This is possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with the science.

The conclusion is,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
there should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
towards our past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
as a matter of respect.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
also
encourages students to acquire knowledge about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
and its past.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay some people say history is one of the most important school subjects, other people think that in today's world; subject's like science and technology are more important than history. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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