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some people say history is one of the most important school subjects, other people think that in today's world; subject's like science and technology are more important than history. Discuss both these view and given your own opinion. v.1

some people say history is one of the most important school subjects, other people think that in today's world; subject's like science and technology are more important than history. v. 1
Some people believe that the most relevant subject is history, Others people think that science and technology would be more essential recently. I agree with this statement about the art and automation is very important then past. Because nowadays scope will be information and computer. First of all, I discuss about technology. Skill and machinery very benefits of student the help of job, and country will be making development because which rustic are developed that Arcadian ahead, of economics, financial ethics and respect all over the world because nowadays beyond the technique and mechanics. This is because of the ease created for people. This is the cause of people others people talking with, the help of phone and mobile. Nowadays everybody have to mobile. Mobile very easy way talking other people, whether a person abroad, then either talking with it. Because all of these it is possible main motive of high tech. Now, I discuss about the old days. Days of old are also important in education. Because antiquity since we are learning with lesson, in our Ogestic. And we should be bygone time learn to all over the world. This is the aim of interaction with other people. This is the cause of a country error, will be reaching him. Because errors will be the description with olden days. This for ancient time as well as important to skill and mechanization. In conclusion, Both are very important for education, and an Outland. Both are good benefits. Because which are good for the out-country. They do want. My opinion is that both are important for unrefined people.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the most relevant subject is history, Others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that science and technology would be more essential recently. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement about the art and automation is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
then past.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
nowadays scope will be information and computer.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I
Did you mean simply "discuss technology"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about technology
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Skill
and machinery
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
benefits of student the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of job, and country will be making development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
which rustic
are developed
that Arcadian ahead, of economics, financial ethics and respect all over the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nowadays beyond the technique and mechanics. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
created for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This is the cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
talking with, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of phone and mobile. Nowadays everybody
The pronoun 'everybody' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
to mobile. Mobile
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy way talking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, whether a person abroad, then either talking with it.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
all of these it is possible main motive of high tech.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, I
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
days. Days of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
antiquity since we are learning with lesson, in our
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ogestic
. And we should be bygone time learn to all over the world. This is the aim of interaction with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This is the cause of a country error, will be reaching him.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
errors will be the description with olden days. This for ancient time
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and mechanization.

In conclusion
, Both are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for education, and an
Possible spelling mistake found.
Outland
. Both are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
benefits.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the out-country. They do want. My opinion is that both are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for unrefined
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay some people say history is one of the most important school subjects, other people think that in today's world; subject's like science and technology are more important than history. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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