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Some people say history is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. v.5

Some people say history is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. v. 5
Before reaching a conclusion we must first look at the contributions that knowledge of history and science and technology has made to help us achieve the kind of sophisticated civilization we have now. History has taught us many things. There is no denying in that. History has imparted us with knowledge of our ancestors. Without knowledge of history, we won't be able to appreciate the contributions of our ancestors to make us what we are now today. History is like the hard disk of our beloved earth. Of course a system may run without its long-term memory with the help of short-term memory, however, it can easily be understood that this would seriously hamstring the capability of the system. For instance, if the generations that are to come remain oblivious to or ignorant of the horror of world wars, where will they find the motives to avert another such vicious war. The world without its history would have no means to learn from mistakes that our predecessors have made. History not only prevents us from doing terrible mistakes but also inspires future innovations. Take, for instance, had we not known about Mozart's great music compositions, we would have not had great compositions that were inspired by Mozart's. Science and technology are as important as anything can ever be. If not for science we would still be living in caves. This statement alone can sum up the importance of science and technology. Science and technology have set us apart from other ordinary animals. If we are to sustain for good as a species I would not be wrong to assume it has to be the help of technology. Thus to conclude, I must say history and science and technology are equally important for us to flourish.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
reaching a conclusion we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
first
look at the contributions that knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us achieve the kind of sophisticated civilization we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

History has taught us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things. There is no denying in that.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
has imparted us with knowledge of our ancestors. Without knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, we won't be able to appreciate the contributions of our ancestors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us what we are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
is like the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
disk of our beloved earth.
Of course
a system may run without its long-term memory with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of short-term memory,
however
, it can
easily
be understood
that this would
seriously
hamstring the capability of the system.
For instance
, if the generations that are to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
remain oblivious to or ignorant of the horror of world wars, where will they find the motives to avert another such vicious war. The world without its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
would have no means to learn from mistakes that our predecessors have made.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
us from doing terrible mistakes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
inspires future innovations. Take,
for instance
, had we not known about Mozart's great music compositions, we would have not had great compositions that
were inspired
by Mozart's.

Science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as anything can ever be. If not for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
we would
still
be living in caves. This statement alone can sum up the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
have set us apart from other ordinary animals. If we are to sustain for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as a species I would not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to assume it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of technology.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
to conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for us to flourish.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say history is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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