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Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.39

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. v. 39
This is very true that science and technology, both the subjects are more significant than the other one, but history subject is also very much essential for the students. I am going to discuss the importance of both the subjects in the following paragraphs. First of all, I would like to talk about the subject history, which is also very important because students must be aware about the past days that what had happened in their country and historical persons showed their talent. What was the problems at that time and how they faced that problem? If no one will study about the history, then how we can tell the scarification of our martyrdoms? How we will tell that our country was under the British rural. When science and technology is taking place in today’s life, then these both the subjects are also very important. As we all knows that computers are being used at everywhere almost in all the fields. Scientist are also working very fast. In the present day’s peoples are going to the moon. So these are also very significant to be aware about these. For example, the digital India mission has been started by our Prime Minister Sh. Narendra Modi and Digital Currency are also being used in some of the countries. So at this time if we have no knowledge about the technical subject, then how we can compare with ourselves to the society. Finally, I would like to say that both the subjects are imperative for us to study.
This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
true that science and technology, both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are more significant than the other one,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much essential for the students. I am going to discuss the importance of both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in the following paragraphs.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I would like to talk about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
history, which is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be aware about the past days that what had happened in their country and historical persons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
their talent. What was the problems at that time and how they faced that problem? If no one
Consider removing 'will'. (Usually, 'will' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless in the sense 'want to' or 'be willing to'.)
will study
about the history, then how we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
the scarification of our
Possible spelling mistake found.
martyrdoms
? How we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
that our country was under the British rural.

When science and technology is taking place in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s life, then these both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
we all
The pronoun 'we' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "know"
knows
that computers are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
at everywhere almost in all the fields. Scientist are
also
working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
. In the present day’s peoples are going to the moon.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
these are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant to be aware about these.
For example
, the digital India mission has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
by our Prime Minister Sh. Narendra
Possible spelling mistake found.
Modi
and Digital Currency are
also
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
countries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
at this time if we have no knowledge about the technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, then how we can compare with ourselves to the society.

Finally
, I would like to say that both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are imperative for us to study.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. v. 39

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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