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Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.33

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. v. 33
Living in the age of technological breakthroughs, people have had different perspectives about which subject takes the leading position in the school's curriculum, science, and technical knowledge or old days. While there are some valid arguments for the top role of the past, I believe that the importance of these modern subjects would outweigh that of history. On the one hand, There are several reasons why some people subscribe to the top position of yesteryear in the training curriculum. Parents and people in the older generations would insist that lessons, which their children could be aware of how ancestors fought for the peaceful life in the present, would be a platform of raising a good individual. Stories from the past not only boost the gratitude and pride inside each person, but also help the younger generation avoid failures and have a better step for future growth. For example, learning from the experiences of seniors, people could find solutions for some problems controlled in the past like pandemics and natural disasters. On the other hand, Notwithstanding, I support the view that the priority should be given to subjects like Science and computer. These subjects could bring the necessary skills for students surrounded by technology. For example, people, especially students, tend to spend most of their time using technological products such as social networks or games through their mechanisation devices and forget other activities, which creates a harmful lifestyle. If schools teach those users how to manage their time to utilize high tech more efficiently, they could avoid the following deleterious habit. Moreover, computer advances such as artificial intelligence, robots, and smart machines with their outstanding abilities have deprived some employees and created new jobs in scientific knowledge manufacture. To adapt to this situation, students need a chance to encounter a training program focusing on science and technology since their school days. Therefore, these students would be able to participate in groups working behind electronic components instead of being replaced. In conclusion, while history plays an indispensable role in the educational program at schools, I claim that science and technology overwhelm the topmost position of history.
Living in the age of technological breakthroughs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
The usual preposition for "perspectives" is "on" not "about." Revise: "perspectives on".
perspectives about
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
takes the leading position in the school's curriculum,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
, and technical knowledge or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
days. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valid arguments for the top role of the past, I believe that the importance of these modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
would outweigh that of history.

On the one hand, There are several reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
subscribe to the top position of yesteryear in the training curriculum. Parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the older generations would insist that lessons, which their children could be aware of how ancestors fought for the peaceful life in the present, would be a platform of raising a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
individual. Stories from the past not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
boost the gratitude and pride inside each person,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the younger generation avoid failures and have a better step for future growth.
For example
, learning from the experiences of seniors,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could find solutions for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems controlled in the past like pandemics and natural disasters.

On the other hand
, Notwithstanding, I support the view that the priority should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and computer. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
could bring the necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
surrounded by technology.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, tend to spend most of their time using technological products such as social networks or games through their
Possible spelling mistake. 'mechanisation' is British English.
mechanisation
devices and forget other activities, which creates a harmful lifestyle. If schools teach those users how to manage their time to utilize high tech more
efficiently
, they could avoid the following deleterious habit.
Moreover
, computer advances such as artificial intelligence, robots, and smart machines with their outstanding abilities have deprived
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
employees and created new jobs in scientific knowledge manufacture. To adapt to this situation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need a chance to encounter a training program focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology since their school days.
Therefore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would be able to participate in groups working behind electronic components
instead
of
being replaced
.

In conclusion
, while history plays an indispensable role in the educational program at schools, I claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology overwhelm the topmost position of history.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. v. 33

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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