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Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. v.32

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. v. 32
Many individuals believe that History is the most significant school subject, while others hold the idea that subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. From my point of view, all these subjects are equally important, since they have a significant impact on a nation’s survival. First of all, it is argued that History is one of the most important subjects in schools, as it teaches citizens of a country about the culture of that nation. Without having any knowledge about their culture, nations are doomed to vanish because they will be affected by other cultures. For example, some studies have shown that some cultures of different countries could not survive until today because those countries did not give the necessary importance to History. Besides, History educates people about the mistakes that their ancestors did in the past which prevents them making the same mistakes over and over again. So, we should remember that the ones who forgot their past will be repeated. Secondly, it is widely known that subjects like Science and Technology are crucial for a country’s survival, since those subjects provide a deep understanding to create high-tech weapons which are important to defend a country in case of war. For instance, since Japan is far more advanced in technology than most of the countries, nobody wants to declare a war against Japans. Moreover, subjects like Science and Technology provides people a better life by improving their life standards. For example, compared to the past, we now have better equipment to cure people in hospitals. To sum up, some people think that History is more important than the subjects like Science and Technology, while others believe that it is the opposite. However, after a thorough analysis of both sides, it is concluded that all of these subjects are equally important as they have significance for a nation to survive.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
is the most significant school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, while others hold the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
. From my point of view, all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
equally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
, since they have a significant impact on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation’s
survival.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
is one of the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in schools, as it teaches citizens of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. Without having any knowledge about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are doomed
to vanish
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
studies have shown that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
could not survive until
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
did not give the necessary importance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
educates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the mistakes that their ancestors did in the past which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
them making the same mistakes over and over again.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we should remember that the ones who forgot their past will
be repeated
.

Secondly
, it is
widely
known that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
are crucial for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
survival, since those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
provide a deep
The verb 'understanding' is used with the gerund form: "understanding creating".
understanding to create
high-tech weapons which are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to defend a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in case of war.
For instance
, since Japan is far more advanced in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
than most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, nobody wants to declare a war against Japans.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a better life by improving their life standards.
For example
, compared to the past, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have better equipment to cure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in hospitals.

To sum up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
, while others believe that it is the opposite.
However
, after a thorough analysis of both sides, it
is concluded
that all of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
equally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
as they have significance for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
to survive.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. v. 32

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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