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Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.23

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. v. 23
It is often argued that History is one of the most necessary subjects that people have to learn at school. But some others claimed that subjects like Science and Technology are more essential than History. In my opinion, I would argue that History is more important. On the one hand, Science and Technology have many certain impacts on our life. Firstly, many scientific and technological achievements contributed to the development of the society. For example, some artificial intelligence such as robots and other automatic machines were invented to replace humans to do dangerous jobs or blue-collar jobs. As a result, the risk of accidents was reduced significantly. Secondly, the demands of curing deathly diseases such as cancer or AIDS are increasing in recent years. Therefore, scientists now have to do a huge amount of researches and experiments to invent new types of remedies or medical strategies in order to make this dream come true. On the other hand, I strongly believe that History is also a extremely important field that everyone should have more knowledge about it. The first reason is that this subject could help people to understand clearly and deeply not only about their origins but also their traditional customs and cultures. Accordingly, people could gain more confidence when they have a chance to introduce to other foreigners about their beloved countries in many aspects. Furthermore, people could also broaden their knowledge about wars in the past which their countries involved in. As a result, people would be more grateful to the veterans and the soldiers who has contributed their blood and tear to the independence of the nation. In conclusion, although both views certainly have some validity, but it seems to me that it is better for everyone to value History more than subjects like Science and Technology.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
is one of the most necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn at school.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others claimed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like Science and Technology are more essential than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
. In my opinion, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

On the one hand, Science and Technology have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
certain impacts on our life.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
scientific and technological achievements contributed to the development of the society.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
artificial intelligence such as robots and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
automatic machines
were invented
to replace humans to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
jobs or blue-collar jobs.
As a result
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of accidents was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
significantly
.
Secondly
, the demands of curing deathly diseases such as cancer or AIDS are increasing in recent years.
Therefore
, scientists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do a huge amount of researches and experiments to invent new types of remedies or medical strategies in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this dream
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
is
also
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
field that everyone should have more knowledge about it. The
first
reason is that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to understand
clearly
and
deeply
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about their origins
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their traditional customs and cultures.
Accordingly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could gain more confidence when they have a chance to introduce to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
foreigners about their beloved countries in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
also
broaden their knowledge about wars in the past which their countries involved in.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would be more grateful to the veterans and the soldiers who
Did you mean "have", "haven"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'soldiers' should be used.
has
contributed their blood and tear to the independence of the nation.

In conclusion
, although both views
certainly
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
validity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it seems to me that it is better for everyone to value
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like Science and Technology.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. v. 23

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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