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Some people say history is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people say history is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. v. 2
There is a common discussion about the relevance of History subject and its impact in education. One's believe that in the modern world History subject lost its significance in comparison with the disciplines such as science and technology, whereas others think vice versa. I think that the first opinion is much closer to me. This essay will discuss both points of view. On the one hand, some people hold the view that in the modern technological era efficiency of History subject decreases over time. It happens because nowadays technologies surround people everywhere, modern technique is being used in all of common spheres of our life. Consequently, these conditions are forcing people to interact with technologies, and creating a situation where knowledge of how the technologies work started intended as a necessary requirement of the modern and successful person. For instance, at this time, specialists in case of science and technologies are in greater demand, comparing with specialists in different spheres. However, others believe that the knowledge of history expands on people' outmind and develops their human-interacting skills. They think that people who are more enlightened in History are smarter than others in cause of experience that is based on the mistakes of their ancestors. Apparently, History can really help people to become outminded and suited, but in the modern time these qualities are obliged to lose their benefits and grind to a halt of the new digital world. For example, nowadays, if the normal person needs an information about history he will search an information throughout the internet rather than refer to an expert in history. To conclude, despite of the views differ about the significance of learning history, I believe that other spheres of education will have larger range of uses in the new era.
There is a common discussion about the relevance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
subject and its impact in education.
Consider using the plural form here: "Ones".
One's
believe that in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
subject lost its significance
in comparison
with the disciplines such as science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, whereas others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
vice versa. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
first
opinion is much closer to me. This essay will discuss both points of view.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold the view that in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
technological era efficiency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
subject decreases over time. It happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
surround
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
everywhere,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
technique is being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in all of common spheres of our life.
Consequently
, these conditions are forcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to interact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
, and creating a situation where knowledge of how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
intended as a necessary requirement of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
and successful person.
For instance
, at this time, specialists in case of science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
are in greater demand, comparing with specialists in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
spheres.

However
, others believe that the knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
expands on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
'
Possible spelling mistake found.
outmind
and develops their human-interacting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are more enlightened in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
are smarter than others in cause of experience that
is based
on the mistakes of their ancestors.
Apparently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
can
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become
Possible spelling mistake found.
outminded
and suited,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
time these qualities
are obliged
to lose their benefits and grind to a halt of the new digital world.
For example
, nowadays, if the normal person needs an information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
he will search an information throughout the internet
rather
than refer to an expert in history.

To conclude
,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
the views differ about the significance of learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
spheres of education will have larger range of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
in the new era.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say history is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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