Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.13

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. v. 13
Nowadays, pupil can study a several number of subjects in school. While some people argue that History is the essential curriculum in school, others believe Science and Technology are matchless. Although History might be such as a pattern in our further life, in my opinion Science and Technology overweight in this situation. First of all, History is one of the best fields that will help us know about our ancestors, which then we can use in our next life. For instance, from history it is clear that, force of gravity has been invented by Isaac Newton. Furthermore, the king of medicine Avicenna is known by his book which preserved from past. Also, rhe cirruculum History provides us with a great number of information which we can use in our future. The world population has already known about World War I and World War II and its devastating consequences. So, past provides us with examples that what is wrong and what is correct. Regarding to Science and Technology, these school subjects handling in every industry. Firstly, these subjects make our life less challenging. Computers, telephones, the internet, laser surgery are one of the examples of such cases. Moreover, Science and Technology support us to overcome such as threats, diseases. It is no secret that the pandemic "Coronavirus" had spread worldwide and a great number of people have fought with this threat. In that situation Chinese scientists have invented equipment to determine this virus. So, I believe that science and technology have more opportunities to benefit human life. To sum up, although History shows the path toward our next life, I think Science and Technology have more positive impact on human beings.
Nowadays, pupil can study a
Possible agreement error. The noun number seems to be countable; consider using: "several numbers".
several number
of subjects in school. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
is the essential curriculum in school, others believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
are matchless. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
might be such as a pattern in our
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, in my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
overweight in this situation.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
is one of the best fields that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us know about our ancestors, which then we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in our
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For instance
, from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that, force of gravity has
been invented
by Isaac Newton.
Furthermore
, the king of medicine Avicenna
is known
by his book which preserved from past.
Also
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
rhe
Possible spelling mistake found.
cirruculum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
provides us with a great number of information which we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in our future. The world population has already known about World War I and World War II and its devastating consequences.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, past provides us with examples that what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and what is correct.

The phrase 'Regarding to' is not correct. Use "Regarding" or "regard to".
Regarding to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
, these school subjects handling in every industry.
Firstly
, these subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
less challenging. Computers, telephones, the internet, laser surgery are one of the examples of such cases.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
support us to overcome such as threats, diseases. It is no secret that the pandemic
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Coronavirus
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
had spread worldwide and a great number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have fought with this threat. In that situation Chinese scientists have invented equipment to determine this virus.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
have more opportunities to benefit human life.

To sum up, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the path toward our
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
have more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on human beings.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts