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Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.12

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. v. 12
Nowadays, people have different views whether history is a vital subject or not. While some people think that history is important, others argue that there are other more important subjects such as information technology, maths and science. Even if I have some sympathy with the latter idea, I believe that history has many benefits. To begin with, history enables us to avoid mistakes in some ways. That is to say, before making decisions, we can learn from people from the past who made the same decisions and therefore predict the consequences beforehand. We can take as an example lawyers. Before finding solutions to problems, most of them look back at history and similar laws in order to find most feasible solutions to these problems. Therefore, if children are taught history enough at school, they are unlikely to make mistakes and collide with barriers in their lives. Moreover, it is argued that it is crucial for everyone to know his own history. That is to say, everyone should know how he evolved. We can take as an example our ex-president's word's: Those who do not have their own history will not have bright future as well. On the other hand, subjects like science and IT are crucial in modern life. Without enough knowledge in terms of these subjects schoolchildren are unlikely to succeed in their future careers. By this I mean that these days almost all companies and organizations require employees with knowledge in terms of IT and scientific subjects. Those organizations are seeking for experienced, knowledgeable and modern workers in order to take themselves into the next level. To conclude, in my opinion, all of these subjects have their own place in children's lives. While history assists us in real-life situations, scientific subjects can ensure us bright future. So both of them should be give the same priority.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is a vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
or not. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, others argue that there are other more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as information technology,
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
and science. Even if I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sympathy with the latter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
enables us to avoid mistakes in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways.
That is
to say,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making decisions, we can learn from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from the past who made the same decisions and
therefore
predict the consequences beforehand. We can take as an example lawyers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
finding solutions to problems, most of them look back at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and similar laws in order to find most feasible solutions to these problems.
Therefore
, if children
are taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
at school, they are unlikely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistakes and collide with barriers in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Moreover
, it
is argued
that it is crucial for everyone to know his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
That is
to say, everyone should know how he evolved. We can take as an example our ex-president's word's: Those who do not have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
will not have bright future
as well
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like science and IT are crucial in modern life. Without
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge in terms of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
schoolchildren are unlikely to succeed in their future careers. By this I mean that these days almost all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and organizations require employees with knowledge in terms of IT and scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. Those organizations are seeking for experienced, knowledgeable and modern workers in order to take themselves into the
next
level.

To conclude
, in my opinion, all of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
place in children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
assists us in real-life situations, scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can ensure us bright future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
both of them should be
Did you mean "given"?
give
the same priority.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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