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Some people say history is one of the important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

Some people say history is one of the important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. v. 1
There are differing opinions about the relevance of Science and Technology over the study of our past as a course in our schools. In this essay, I will be reviewing both sides of the arguments as well as providing my own view backed with instances from my life journey. To begin with, the historical knowledge of our past will be very pertinent in avoiding our mistakes in the future. For instance, I learned a lot from the stories of the Nigerian civil war during my primary education that I am very determined to join any cause to extinguish any flames of hatred that can lead to any troubling situation across the country. More so, it has helped our generation to remember and avoid any pitfalls that could lead to any civil unrest. Thus, younger generations learning about their past will ensure a peaceful tomorrow. On the other hand, the digital era has necessitated the need to know Science and Technology in order to advance the cause of humanity in areas such as disease prevention and cure, travel, entertainment, learning and so on. In addition to the above, national and personal economic growths have become big in the recent times due to the technological breakthroughs supported by the learnings of science in schools. It is, therefore, crucial that we continue to educate our kids and help them to be digitally ready to support long term human growth. In summary, I will prioritise the importance of Science and Technology in our school curriculum because it offers the best of both worlds of storing information from the past as well as helping our children jump onto the bandwagon of a digital vision where learning is democratised and opportunities abound for growth in areas such as medicine and wealth creation.
There are differing opinions about the relevance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and Technology over the study of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
as a course in our schools. In this essay, I will be reviewing both sides of the arguments
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
providing my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
view backed with instances from my life journey.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the historical knowledge of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
pertinent in avoiding our mistakes in the future.
For instance
, I learned a lot from the stories of the Nigerian civil war during my primary education that I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
determined to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
any cause to extinguish any flames of hatred that can lead to any troubling situation across the country. More
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
our generation to remember and avoid any pitfalls that could lead to any civil unrest.
Thus
, younger generations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
will ensure a peaceful tomorrow.

On the other hand
, the digital era has necessitated the need to know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and Technology in order to advance the cause of humanity in areas such as disease prevention and cure, travel, entertainment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
In addition
to the above, national and personal economic growths have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
in the recent times due to the technological breakthroughs supported by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learnings
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
in schools. It is,
therefore
, crucial that we continue to educate our kids and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to be
digitally
ready to support long term human growth.

In summary, I will
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritise' is British English.
prioritise
the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and Technology in our school curriculum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it offers the best of both worlds of storing information from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
helping our children jump onto the bandwagon of a digital vision where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
is
Possible spelling mistake. 'democratised' is British English.
democratised
and opportunities abound for growth in areas such as medicine and wealth creation.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people say history is one of the important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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