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some people say History is one of most important school subjects other people think that, in today world, subject like science and technology are more important than History. v.1

some people say History is one of most important school subjects other people think that, in today world, subject like science and technology are more important than History. v. 1
It is considered by a few individuals that teaching history in school is essential while some believe that in this modern world more and more science and technology lessons should be added in class curriculum because they are more valuable than history. In the following essay we are going to have a look at both the views and what is my personal opinion. On one hand, history is considered as the most significant school subject in comparison to the others because history has the potential to portray the things we have survived in our past and show young children that how far mankind have developed because of our ancestor. History also plays any very crucial part in a person's growth, as one can learn a lot from the past and moreover it helps the student to grow into a good member of society, by not repeating the same mistake from the past. For instance, in history it shows how world wars have destroyed human civilization and brought mankind into the past rather than into development more still some countries are suffering due to war there for these types of education explain children that war is not the way to solve problem. however some people think that without science and technology we could not have been developed and still be in stone age there for these kind lessons should be introduced in schools because science and technology are the medium to experience things which were not possible past and moreover it will help us to be prepared for future disaster which can enter into our life without any notice. Such as cell phones were just something to imagine because use to think that it is impossible to have something like this but as science evolved these types of technology came into our life and have improved our communication with others just with one tap of a finger. In my opinion, without science and technology the way we are living nowadays would be not possible because it has a major contribution in every aspect of life like improvement in health related disease and faster transportation there for now a day's education related to science is very important. In conclusion, both science and past are the subjects that are needed to be introduced in schools because they make human life better day by day, but still past is past and we cannot improve it but the future can be. Therefor it is clear that the importance of science and technology is more in schools.
It
is considered
by a few individuals that teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is essential while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that in this modern world more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
lessons should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
curriculum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are more valuable than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. In the following essay we are going to have a look at both the views and what is my personal opinion.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is considered
as the most significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
subject
in comparison
to the others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
has the potential to portray the things we have survived in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
young children that how far mankind have developed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of our ancestor.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
also
plays any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial part in a person's growth, as one can learn a lot from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
and
moreover
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the student to grow into a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
member of society, by not repeating the same mistake from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
For instance
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how world wars have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
human civilization and brought mankind into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
rather
than into development more
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries are suffering due to war there for these types of education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
children that war is not the way to solve problem.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
however
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
we could not have
been developed
and
still
be in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
stone age
there for these kind lessons should
be introduced
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are the medium to experience things which were not possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
and
moreover
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to
be prepared
for future disaster which can enter into our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
without any notice. Such as cell phones were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
something to imagine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is impossible to have something like this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
evolved these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
came into our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
our communication with others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
with one tap of a finger.

In my opinion, without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
the way we are living nowadays would be not possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has a major contribution in every aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
like improvement in health related disease and faster transportation there for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a day's education related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

In conclusion
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
are the subjects that
are needed
to
be introduced
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
better day by day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
and we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the future can be. Therefor it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay some people say History is one of most important school subjects other people think that, in today world, subject like science and technology are more important than History. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
421 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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