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happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness? v.8

happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness? v. 8
Life, nowadays become very hectic and difficult to live in most part of the place. People are living in poverty and in such circumstances which make life harder. However, these problems can be catered by happiness, but sometimes, it becomes difficult to understand the mode of happiness. In this essay I will discuss some points to achieve this. Due to industrialization and busy schedule people tends to forget about themselves. They got used to with the approach of industry to work for 9 to 10 hours with many tons of tasks and assignments to complete before deadline subsequently, which make people leave their habit of healthy lifestyle that, plays a vital role in happiness. A healthy lifestyle also makes people live longer furthermore, it develops a state of mind by which a person feels more optimistic. If one becomes more optimistic he tends to achieve things more easily and happily. However, individuals don't know to define this state of mind as feelings are harder to define with words. Furthermore, helping others and to do welfare of needy people also helps a person to feel the sense of achievement like, we can take an example of Abdul Sattar Edhi, who helped the poor, handicapped, orphans and those parents whose children closes the door for them. Edhi helped all these people without earning a penny and lived a back-driven lifestyle yet, happily. In conclusion, A lifestyle with sort of happiness in it becomes, easier to live rather than a life which has nothing to be optimistic or any sort of achievement in it.
Life, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
hectic and difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in most part of the place.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are living in poverty and in such circumstances which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
life harder.
However
, these problems can
be catered
by happiness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
difficult to understand the mode of happiness. In this essay I will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
points to achieve this.

Due to industrialization and busy schedule
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
tends
to forget about themselves. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to with the approach of industry to work for 9 to 10 hours with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tons of tasks and assignments to complete
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
deadline
subsequently
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their habit of healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
that, plays a vital role in happiness.

A healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer
furthermore
, it develops a state of mind by which a person feels more optimistic. If one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
more optimistic he tends to achieve things more
easily
and
happily
.
However
, individuals don't know to define this state of mind as feelings are harder to define with words.

Furthermore
, helping others and to do welfare of needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a person to feel the sense of achievement like, we can take an example of Abdul
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sattar
Possible spelling mistake found.
Edhi
, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
the poor, handicapped, orphans and those parents whose children
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "close".
closes
the door for them.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Edhi
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without earning a penny and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
a back-driven
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
yet
,
happily
.

In conclusion
, A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
with sort of happiness in it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
, easier to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
rather
than a life which has nothing to be optimistic or any sort of achievement in it.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness? v. 8

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
261 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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