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Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness? v.4

Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness? v. 4
One of the most relevant feelings in the life is the happiness. In the world, everyone search for finding it, and is not indifferent to everybody However, there are not a standard definition for it, because is very tough explain what is it, for the reason that is subjective. Also, there are many factors for achieving this state of mind, and in my opinion, the most relevant are the grateful, peace and love. Many intellectuals had looked for an answer about what is happiness. Because it is a feeling is difficult to find a standard definition, but the majority of people think that this is when you can reach your objectives. Nevertheless, certain demographics of society have analyse that for being happy is necessary to work in your mind, because this come from the deep of the human. On the other hand, it is important to add that there are many factors that are considered to achieve the joy, which are also subjective. I believe that is relevant to have a feeling about grateful, and with this would be easier to be happy, because this come from inside of our mind. Also, the other features that should consider this feeling is the peace and love, due to the human need both for their life. For instance, the happiest people in the world are who have less material things. In conclusion, the discussion about what is the happiness is a topic that always will be, for the reason that is likely impossible to find a standard definition for it. However, the majority think that this is linked to the achievement of material things, but other groups believe that this come from the inside of the human.
One of the most relevant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feelings
in the life is the happiness. In the world, everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "searches", "searched".
search
for finding it, and is not indifferent to everybody
However
, there are not a standard definition for it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tough
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
what is it, for the reason
that is
subjective.
Also
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors for achieving this state of mind, and in my opinion, the most relevant are the grateful, peace and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
intellectuals had looked for an answer about what is happiness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeling
is difficult to find a standard definition,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is when you can reach your objectives.
Nevertheless
, certain demographics of society have
Use past participle here: "analysed".
analyse
that for being happy is necessary to work in your mind,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from the deep of the human.

On the other hand
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors that
are considered
to achieve the joy, which are
also
subjective. I believe
that is
relevant to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeling
about grateful, and with this would be easier to be happy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "inside".
inside of
our mind.
Also
, the other features that should consider this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeling
is the peace and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, due to the human need both for their life.
For instance
, the happiest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the world are who have less material things.

In conclusion
, the discussion about what is the happiness is a topic that always will be, for the reason
that is
likely impossible to find a standard definition for it.
However
, the majority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this
is linked
to the achievement of material things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
other groups believe that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from the inside of the human.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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