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Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging the environment. What can do governments do to address these problems? What can individual people do? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging the environment. What can do governments do to address these problems? What can individual people do? v. 1
Behaviour of humans contributes to destroy the environment. There are some people's habits that made environment become worse and result a pollution of air, water and soil. Firstly, the using of car with fossil fuel in their daily activity, made the air become polluted. Rain acid and dirty air are some effect that caused by pollutant gas, which is resulted by car. The air pollutant are not good for the people’s health. Secondly, home wastes that do not recycle and the using of bottle, bag and stuffs from plastic materials, made the water and soil pollution. There is a circumstance in the sea, that some animal sea are trapped in plastic trash, moreover it will be disturbed their habitat. Thirdly, the metal pollutant from factories that flow to the sea will be deposited in the bottom of the sea, which it is absorbed by fishes. As we know, the fishes will be consumed by people and it will affected to the people’s health caused by metal pollutant in the body. If this situation do not repair, it will happen environmental destruction. And the degree of people’s wealth will be decreased. So, we should do something to prevent it. Government's role is needed to make a regulation about the rehabilitation of the environment. Things that government should be done, such make limited using of car and plastic stuffs in some government laws that should be done by the people. Individual have to aware of their environment. At least with the rubbish that resulted in their home could be recycled by themselves. They have to separate the rubbish into organic and inorganic waste. The organic waste could be recycled become fertilizers and used it for farming.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Behaviour' is British English.
Behaviour
of humans contributes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's habits that made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
become worse and result
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "pollution".
a pollution
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
, water and soil.

Firstly
, the using of car with fossil fuel in their daily activity, made the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
become polluted. Rain acid and dirty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effect that caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollutant
gas, which
is resulted
by car. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollutant
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health.
Secondly
, home wastes that do not recycle and the using of bottle, bag and stuffs from plastic materials, made the water and soil pollution. There is a circumstance in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
, that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
are trapped
in plastic trash,
moreover
it will
be disturbed
their habitat.
Thirdly
, the metal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollutant
from factories that flow to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
will
be deposited
in the bottom of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
, which it
is absorbed
by fishes. As we know, the fishes will
be consumed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and it will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "affect"
affected
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health caused by metal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollutant
in the body.

If
The verb 'do' is plural. Did you mean: "this situation does"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this situation do
not repair, it will happen environmental destruction. And the degree of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
wealth will
be decreased
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we should do something to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
it.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
's role
is needed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a regulation about the rehabilitation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. Things that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
be done
, such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
limited using of car and plastic stuffs in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
laws that should
be done
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
aware of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. At least with the rubbish that resulted in their home could
be recycled
by themselves. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
separate the rubbish into organic and inorganic waste. The organic waste could
be recycled
become fertilizers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
it for farming.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging the environment. What can do governments do to address these problems? What can individual people do? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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