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Explain some of the ways in which human are damaging the environment. What can governments do to address these problems? What can individual people do? v.1

Explain some of the ways in which human are damaging the environment. What can governments do to address these problems? What can individual people do? v. 1
Nowadays, migrating has become a problem in the society. More individuals tend to transfer from an agricultural area to an urban zone, this cause some consequence for both places. This essay will discuss some of the issue of migration and offer some suggestions to address this issue. The reason why people left in agricultural fields and move to bustling city is because of scarcity and finding better opportunities in big cities. While more individuals are moving in the urban zone, the populace is increasing and it can lead to overpopulation. Overpopulation will cause some problems, like air pollution, because of the number of vehicles are present in the cities. Another issue is high energy consumption, due to high population and the demand of the urban environment. On the other hand, moving out of the agricultural place will lead to depletion of farming and affects local industry. For instance, food production will be lessen like crops, vegetables and rice, and it can hinder the local economy. In terms of a solution, I suggest that the government will introduce new laws that will imply to farmers, like decreased the taxes, and giving some incentives to encourage them to work hard in farming. And also, the government should allocate some budget to purchase land for the farmers, to help the farmers to get out of poverty. Lastly, build some basic infrastructure, schools, hospitals and shopping centre, so that the people from rural zone will not move to big cities just to earn money and to have a good life. It will also lessen the populace in the urban area, if the rural area is also growing in terms in livelihood and the local economy. To sum it all up, while urbanization is growing, both agricultural and big cities will have a problem. The government has the role in controlling people to migrate from rural area to an urban area.
Nowadays, migrating has become a problem in the society. More individuals tend to transfer from an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
to an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
zone, this cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
consequence for both places. This essay will discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
issue of migration and offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suggestions to address this issue.

The reason why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
fields and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to bustling city is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of scarcity and finding better opportunities in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. While more individuals are moving in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
zone, the populace is increasing and it can lead to overpopulation. Overpopulation will cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems, like air pollution,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the number of vehicles are present in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. Another issue is high energy consumption, due to high population and the demand of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
environment.
On the other hand
, moving out of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
place will lead to depletion of farming and affects local industry.
For instance
, food production will be
Consider using the past participle "lessened"?
lessen
like crops, vegetables and rice, and it can hinder the local economy.

In terms of a solution, I suggest that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will introduce new laws that will imply to farmers, like decreased the taxes, and giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
incentives to encourage them to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in farming. And
also
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should allocate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
budget to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
land for the farmers, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the farmers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of poverty.
Lastly
, build
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic infrastructure, schools, hospitals and shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from rural zone will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to earn money and to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
life. It will
also
lessen the populace in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
, if the rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
is
also
growing in terms in livelihood and the local economy.

To sum it all up, while urbanization is growing, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
will have a problem. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has the role in controlling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to migrate from rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
to an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Explain some of the ways in which human are damaging the environment. What can governments do to address these problems? What can individual people do? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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