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Book 8Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and five your own opinion v.1

Book 8Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. 1
We often hear of an escalating trend in children leading to feeble lifestyles in the media. Although many believe that both parents and educational institutes share equal responsibility in addressing this growing problem, I disagree and feel that it is the utmost responsibility of the parents to change the unhealthy etiquette of adolescents. Being the primary caretakers, parents spend most of the time with their children and parents' eating habits influence them. Parents can become the role model for their children, by making healthy choices of what nutritious food they should have and physical activities to participate in that will mean the equilibrium in life. For instance, if children observe that their parents prefer nutritious meal over junk food, exercise regularly to remain fit and participate in different sporting events or physical activities, child habits will change for the better. Being the guardian and mentor they can be very effective than schools in changing their lifestyle. Furthermore, teaching institutes are primarily focused on providing elementary education to the students. Their job is to concentrate more on improving their skills, team building, help them with their coursework and develop their personality. They usually have less time to look into their diet plans or how they behave at home. Moreover, they cannot control what a child does in their spare time. To conclude, I believe that only parents can effectively address the unhealthy ways of living with children. As primary caretakers, they are close to their children and their responsibility being more than that of schools.
We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
hear of an escalating trend in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
leading to feeble lifestyles in the media. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and educational institutes share equal responsibility in addressing this growing problem, I disagree and feel that it is the utmost responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the unhealthy etiquette of adolescents.

Being the primary caretakers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
spend most of the time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and parents' eating habits influence them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
can become the role model for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, by making healthy choices of what nutritious food they should have and physical activities to participate in that will mean the equilibrium in life.
For instance
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
observe that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
prefer nutritious meal over junk food, exercise
regularly
to remain fit and participate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
or physical activities, child habits will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
for the better. Being the guardian and mentor they can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Use "(effective)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
effective
than schools in changing their lifestyle.

Furthermore
, teaching institutes are
primarily
focused on providing elementary education to the students. Their job is to concentrate more on improving their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, team building,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them with their coursework and develop their personality. They
usually
have less time to look into their diet plans or how they behave at home.
Moreover
, they cannot control what a child does in their spare time.

To conclude
, I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
effectively
address the unhealthy ways of living with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. As primary caretakers, they are close to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and their responsibility being more than that of schools.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Book 8Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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