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29. 09. 2017 Happiness is considered very important in lifeWhy is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness? v.2

29. 09. 2017 Happiness is considered very important in lifeWhy is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness? v. 2
Being happy is seen by many as a main purpose of life and yet it is an arduous task to identify it. Below some factors that are deemed to be crucial for achieving the state of happiness will be discussed in details. To begin with, giving a definition to happiness is extremely challenging endeavor because of several reasons. Firstly, each culture and nation has its own, and often strikingly different prospect on the issue. To illustrate, western society often views independence and self-realization as the shortest way of achieving happiness. At the same time, Asian civilization claims that being accepted by family, friends and public establishes a foundation for experiencing the discussed feeling. Secondly, happiness is a subjective concept and each person could feel it in a particular even unusual circumstances. To exemplify, buying a novel automobile is perceived by one individual as a reason for joy but for others purchasing a brand new vehicle means rather worries and expenses. Consequently, defining the feeling is an uneasy endeavor. However, there are some factors that contribute greatly to achieving the state of joyfulness. Primarily, it appears that happiness has a physiological basis and thus becoming a mother, being in love or eating tasty food may be seen as universal factors that are rooted in biology of a human being. Thus, satisfying basic, animal desires is perhaps the shortest and most universal path to happiness. Furthermore, on a subjective level achieving goals that are considered to be worthwhile by the person leads to experiencing bliss. Interestingly, whether a purpose is decent or not depends on one’s cultural and religious background in which an individual spent his formative years. In other words, happiness is achieved by meeting biological needs and accomplishing purposes. To sum up, experiencing happiness is pursued by many but can hardly be defined because an understanding of the feeling is connected with personal experiences as well as with culture in which a person was brought up, however, achieving goals and satisfying bodily desires has a great effect on feeling happy.
Being happy is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
as a main purpose of life and
yet
it is an arduous task to identify it. Below
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors that
are deemed
to be crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieving
the state of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
will
be discussed
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, giving a definition to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is
extremely
challenging endeavor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of several reasons.
Firstly
, each culture and nation has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
strikingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
prospect on the issue. To illustrate, western society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
views independence and self-realization as the shortest way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. At the same time, Asian civilization claims that being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by family, friends and public establishes a foundation for experiencing the discussed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeling
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is a subjective concept and each person could feel it in a particular even unusual circumstances. To exemplify, buying a novel automobile
is perceived
by one individual as a reason for joy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for others purchasing a
'brand new' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "brand-new".
brand new
vehicle means
rather
worries and expenses.
Consequently
, defining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeling
is an uneasy endeavor.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors that contribute
greatly
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieving
the state of joyfulness.
Primarily
, it appears that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
has a physiological basis and
thus
becoming a mother, being in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
or eating tasty food may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as universal factors that
are rooted
in biology of a human being.
Thus
, satisfying basic, animal desires is perhaps the shortest and most universal path to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
Furthermore
, on a subjective level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieving
goals that
are considered
to be worthwhile by the person leads to experiencing bliss.
Interestingly
, whether a purpose is decent or not depends on one’s cultural and religious background in which an individual spent his formative years.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is achieved
by meeting biological needs and accomplishing purposes.

To sum up, experiencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is pursued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can hardly
be defined
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
an understanding of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeling
is connected
with personal experiences
as well
as with culture in which a person
was brought
up,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieving
goals and satisfying
bodily
desires has a great effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeling
happy.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay 29. 09. 2017 Happiness is considered very important in lifeWhy is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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