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The diagram shows the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950. v.2

The diagram shows the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950. v. 2
The diagram presents West Park Secondary School at three different stages in its development: 1950, 1980 and 2010. As can be seen from the given illustration, the school went through different changes. In 1950, the school was built near the main road and near the school, there was a place for housing. An extensive spot behind the school was fixed for a playground, while the field behind the housing was a farmland. By 1980, the housing area had been knocked down in order to build a science block and a space for car parking. Moreover, a new sports field was established in the exact area where the farmland was and it is right next to the playground. In 2010, the school's main building and the science block were still intact but the car parking area had been extended and it consumed a great portion of the sports field and playground. During the given time, the area around West Park Secondary School has changed. In addition to a new science block, a larger car park has been constructed and extended. Hence, the spot for sports field and playground reduced.
The diagram presents West Park Secondary
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School
at three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
stages in its development: 1950, 1980 and 2010. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
illustration, the
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school
went through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.

In 1950, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
was built
near the main road and near the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, there was a place for housing. An extensive spot behind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playground
, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
behind the housing was a farmland. By 1980, the housing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
had
been knocked
down in order to build a science block and a space for car parking.
Moreover
, a new sports
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field
was established
in the exact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
where the farmland was and it is right
next
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playground
. In 2010, the school's main building and the science block were
still
intact
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the car parking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
had
been extended
and it consumed a great portion of the sports
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field
and
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playground
. During the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
time, the
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area
around West Park Secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
.
In addition
to a new science block, a larger car park has
been constructed
and extended.
Hence
, the spot for sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playground
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS academic The diagram shows the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950. v. 2

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
188 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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