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The diagram shows the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950. v. 1

The provided diagram shows the changes West Park Secondary School has undergone since it was first established in 1950. As is presented, the school has gone through some major changes and has also remained the same since 1950.   When looking at the diagrams, you can see that the main school building has not changed at all.   There was an additional building added on in 1980 called the Science block which was added to accommodate the increase in student enrolments, which it was not anticipating.   The only other major changes have been to its surroundings.   According to the school’s layout diagram of the year 2010, there has been an increase in the size of the car park compared to the 1980’s school layout diagram.   When deciding to increase the school car park area, certain school facilities had to be sacrificed, for instance, the sports field is a third of its size compared to the 1980’s school layout diagram. The playground was also downsized by a quarter of its original size in 1950 and 1980. My conclusion is that these changes had to be done in order to accommodate a major increase in enrolments of students since its establishment in 1950 and maybe also due to the growth in population and developments in their area.

IELTS academic The diagram shows the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950. v.1

The provided diagram
shows
the
changes
West Park Secondary
School
has undergone since it was
first
established in 1950.

As
is presented
, the
school
has gone through
some
major
changes
and has
also
remained the same since 1950.
 
When looking at the diagrams, you can
see
that the main
school
building has not
changed
at all.
 
There was an additional building
added
on in 1980 called the Science block which was
added
to accommodate the
increase
in student
enrolments
, which it was not anticipating.
 
The
only
other major
changes
have been to its surroundings.
 
According to the
school’s
layout diagram of the year 2010, there has been an
increase
in the size of the car park compared to the
1980’s
school
layout diagram.
 
When deciding to
increase
the
school
car park area, certain
school
facilities had to
be sacrificed
,
for instance
, the sports field is a third of its size compared to the
1980’s
school
layout diagram. The playground was
also
downsized by a quarter of its original size in 1950 and 1980.

My conclusion is that these
changes
had to
be done
in order to accommodate a major
increase
in
enrolments
of students since its establishment in 1950 and maybe
also
due to the growth in population and developments in their area.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
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Academic
3 paragraphs
218 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resources: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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