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The diagram shows the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950. v.1

The diagram shows the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950. v. 1
The provided diagram shows the changes West Park Secondary School has undergone since it was first established in 1950. As is presented, the school has gone through some major changes and has also remained the same since 1950.   When looking at the diagrams, you can see that the main school building has not changed at all.   There was an additional building added on in 1980 called the Science block which was added to accommodate the increase in student enrolments, which it was not anticipating.   The only other major changes have been to its surroundings.   According to the school’s layout diagram of the year 2010, there has been an increase in the size of the car park compared to the 1980’s school layout diagram.   When deciding to increase the school car park area, certain school facilities had to be sacrificed, for instance, the sports field is a third of its size compared to the 1980’s school layout diagram. The playground was also downsized by a quarter of its original size in 1950 and 1980. My conclusion is that these changes had to be done in order to accommodate a major increase in enrolments of students since its establishment in 1950 and maybe also due to the growth in population and developments in their area.
The provided diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
West Park Secondary
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School
has undergone since it was
first
established in 1950.

As
is presented
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has gone through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
and has
also
remained the same since 1950.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
When looking at the diagrams, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
building has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
at all.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
There was an additional building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
on in 1980 called the Science block which was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to accommodate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in student
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolments' is British English.
enrolments
, which it was not anticipating.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
other major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
have been to its surroundings.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
According to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school’s
layout diagram of the year 2010, there has been an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the size of the car park compared to the
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "1980s".
1980’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
layout diagram.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
When deciding to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
car park area, certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
facilities had to
be sacrificed
,
for instance
, the sports field is a third of its size compared to the
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "1980s".
1980’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
layout diagram. The playground was
also
downsized by a quarter of its original size in 1950 and 1980.

My conclusion is that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
had to
be done
in order to accommodate a major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolments' is British English.
enrolments
of students since its establishment in 1950 and maybe
also
due to the growth in population and developments in their area.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
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IELTS academic The diagram shows the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
218 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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