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There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. v. 1
Students nowadays are under increasing pressure to achieve academic success in order to get into a good university or secure a well paid job. For this reason some people argue that schools need to focus on academic subjects and non academic subjects should therefore not be taught. I would argue that while academic skills are important, schools need to teach a wide range of both academic and more skills-based subjects. Firstly, not only should school be about teaching academic skills but also a wider range of life skills so that students can take an active part in society upon leaving school. Practical subjects can help to teach these skills to students. For example, physical education teaches students both how to work as part of a team and also the importance of being healthy. Furthermore, if cookery is taught then students will learn a great deal about health and nutrition. Secondly, academic subjects are not equally important for all students. There is the possibility of including more vocational non academic subjects on the syllabus like woodwork, textile design and computing skills. By studying these subjects, students will increase their employment prospects and be better placed to secure employment when leaving school. It is important to remember that not all students will continue to higher education and school needs to enable these students to find work. Finally, too much pressure should not be placed on students. Taking part in non academic subjects like art, music or drama gives students the opportunity to be creative. This could help them to manage stress levels and be more productive in other areas. In conclusion I would argue that although academic subjects are very important, this should not be the sole focus of a school syllabus. There are a number of benefits to teaching students non academic subjects.
Students
nowadays are under increasing pressure to achieve
academic
success in order to
get
into a
good
university or secure a well paid job.
For this reason
some
people
argue that
schools
need to focus on
academic
subjects
and non
academic
subjects
should
therefore
not
be taught
. I would argue that while
academic
skills
are
important
,
schools
need to teach a wide range of both
academic
and more
skills
-based subjects.

Firstly
, not
only
should
school
be about teaching
academic
skills
but
also
a wider range of life
skills
so
that
students
can take an active part in society upon leaving
school
. Practical
subjects
can
help
to teach these
skills
to
students
.
For example
, physical education teaches
students
both how to work as part of a team and
also
the importance of being healthy.
Furthermore
, if cookery
is taught
then
students
will learn a great deal about health and nutrition.

Secondly
,
academic
subjects
are not
equally
important
for all
students
. There is the possibility of including more vocational non
academic
subjects
on the syllabus like woodwork, textile design and computing
skills
. By studying these
subjects
,
students
will increase their employment prospects and be better placed to secure employment when leaving
school
. It is
important
to remember that not all
students
will continue to higher education and
school
needs to enable these
students
to find work.

Finally
, too much pressure should not
be placed
on
students
. Taking part in non
academic
subjects
like art, music or drama gives
students
the opportunity to be creative. This could
help
them to manage
stress
levels and be more productive in other areas.

In
conclusion I
would argue that although
academic
subjects
are
very
important
, this should not be the sole focus of a
school
syllabus. There are a number of benefits to teaching
students
non
academic
subjects
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
48Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
302 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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