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The chart1 below shows information about d! tferent species of birds observed in Woodchuck County at different times of the year. v.1

The chart1 below shows information about d! tferent species of birds observed in Woodchuck County at different times of the year. v. 1
It is clear that all parents want their children to lead a better life than they did. Some parents accomplish it by giving them useful advice or directing them to the fields that their children are interested in. However, these days, most parents put pressure on their children to be successful without considering their interests. I believe that there are some reasons for that and it can have a negative impact on children since they are obliged to choose a career against their wish. One of the main reasons for parent's pressure is that they would like their children to lead a high standardized lifestyle by gaining success. What I mean by this is that parents might have had difficulties during their life or lived in a poor condition. As a result, they do not want their children to experience the same predicaments as they did. Another factor might be the parents' willingness to show off. All parents want to be proud of their children's achievements by telling it to others and showing how successful children they have brought up. The parent's urge towards their children to become successful can lead them to have an undesirable life. Here I am referring to the fact that parents can encourage their children to acquire an occupation that they do nor have passion for. To illustrate, a child may want to choose a career with low income but can get pleasure such as an artist. However, parents disapprove the idea and encourage them to study politics or other fields that can offer them a bright future. Consequently, this situation leads them to become a person who cannot express their own ideas and desires. Furthermore, providing that they opt for the area they are not interested in, they cannot feel the real sense of job satisfaction even though they can be successful. In conclusion, parents should provide their children with the freedom to decide on their own future. Otherwise, it can have a detrimental effect on their behaviour and feelings.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
a better life than they did.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
accomplish it by giving them useful advice or directing them to the fields that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are interested
in.
However
, these days, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
put pressure on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be successful without considering their interests. I believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons for that and it can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
since they
are obliged
to choose a career against their wish.

One of the main reasons for parent's pressure is that they would like their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
a high standardized lifestyle by gaining success. What I mean by this is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
might have had difficulties during their life or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in a poor condition.
As a result
, they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to experience the same predicaments as they did. Another factor might be the parents' willingness to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off. All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to be proud of their children's achievements by telling it to others and showing how successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
they have brought up.

The parent's urge towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become successful can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
them to have an undesirable life. Here I am referring to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to acquire an occupation that they do nor have passion for. To illustrate, a child may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to choose a career with low income
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
pleasure such as an artist.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
disapprove the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and encourage them to study politics or other fields that can offer them a bright future.
Consequently
, this situation leads them to become a person who cannot express their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and desires.
Furthermore
, providing that they opt for the area they are not interested in, they cannot feel the real sense of job satisfaction
even though
they can be successful.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should provide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with the freedom to decide on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
future.
Otherwise
, it can have a detrimental effect on their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and feelings.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart1 below shows information about d! tferent species of birds observed in Woodchuck County at different times of the year. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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