Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters such as food, clothes and entertainment is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decision about matters that affect them. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters such as food, clothes and entertainment is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decision about matters that affect them. v. 2
The most common arguments among people is regarding the decisions that the children make, where some have an opinion that if children take their own decisions that is likely to result in, selfish thinking. Whereas, others have a viewpoint that in some matter youngsters should decide because it is related to the issues that affect them. This essay discusses both the opinions. Firstly, parents have feared that if children start to pick-up choices for themselves from a young age, then they commit more mistakes and if these are pinpointed by the elders, they will get offended. Indeed, this is factual, because youngsters at that age want to do the things as they wish, and if they are given the authority of decision making in their lives then it would be a disaster, like they think only about their wishes without even considering the others feelings. For example, if a child insists on choosing his own clothing, and when the parents encourage him, then the child will not know the worth of the clothes they are picking, like the cost. However, if they continue to do, so then they may become more selfish thinking about themselves rather than their parent’s affordability. Secondly, it is good that a child must be independent in choosing their lifestyle, because they will know which option is better in their lives. Moreover, making the right choice must be taught from a young age, because only at that point they will try to be more responsible and careful in deciding for their lives. For instance, my parents taught me what and how important is decision making for a person, and because of their valuable advice I choose a good career and now I am happy in my life. To conclude, in my opinion, although it is nice if children decide for their lives, but it is the responsibility of the parents to teach them the importance of it besides to respect others feelings, otherwise they would grow into selfish people.
The most common arguments among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
regarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
, where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
have an opinion that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
take their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
that is
likely to result in, selfish thinking. Whereas, others have a viewpoint that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
matter youngsters should decide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
is related
to the issues that affect them. This essay discusses both the opinions.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have feared that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to pick-up choices for themselves from a young age, then they commit more mistakes and if these
are pinpointed
by the elders, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
offended.
Indeed
, this is factual,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
youngsters at that age want to do the things as they wish, and if they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the authority of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
then it would be a disaster, like they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about their wishes without even considering the others feelings.
For example
, if a child insists on choosing his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
clothing, and when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
encourage him, then the child will not know the worth of the clothes they are picking, like the cost.
However
, if they continue to do,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
then they may become more selfish thinking about themselves
rather
than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
affordability.

Secondly
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
that a child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be independent in choosing their lifestyle,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will know which option is better in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
Moreover
, making the right choice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taught
from a young age,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
at that point they will try to be more responsible and careful in deciding for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
For instance
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
taught me what and how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
for a person, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their valuable advice I choose a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
career and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I am happy in my life.

To conclude
, in my opinion, although it is nice if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
decide for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is the responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to teach them the importance of it
besides
to respect others feelings,
otherwise
they would grow into selfish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters such as food, clothes and entertainment is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decision about matters that affect them. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts