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Some people believe that we have nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

Some people believe that we have nowadays we have too many choices. with this statement? v. 1
It is argued by some that in recent times, we have multiple options to choose from. Personally, I completely agree with this statement. One of the major reasons why I believe we have several options is the advent of technology. Advances in technology in modern times have given us the ability to select from a variety of choices. For example, students who are applying to higher institutions can now from the comfort of their home search and select from a list of different universities to further their education. Also, because of the introduction of social media applications like Facebook and Whatssap, single adults now have a variety of potential partners to choose from. In addition, when applying for jobs, job applicants can submit their forms to a wide range of companies all over the world with a simple click of a button. Another reason why there are more choices in recent times is because people have more freedom to choose. In the past, there were a lot of restrictions with regards to choosing our leaders and children deciding who they want to be in the future. We now live in democratic societies, and this means that we are able to select our leaders from a multiple candidates. Children also have more freedom to select from a variety of career options, whom they would like to become in future. In conclusion, it is true that in modern times we are presented with a lot of choices. I totally agree with this view and believe that the presence of technology and the freedom we enjoy affords us this opportunity.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that in recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, we have multiple options to choose from.
Personally
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

One of the major reasons why I believe we have several options is the advent of technology. Advances in technology in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
us the ability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
select
from a variety of choices.
For example
, students who are applying to higher institutions can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
from the comfort of their home search and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
select
from a list of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
universities to
further
their education.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the introduction of social media applications like Facebook and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatssap
, single adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have a variety of potential partners to choose from.
In addition
, when applying for jobs, job applicants can submit their forms to a wide range of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
all over the world with a simple click of a button.

Another reason why there are more choices in recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have more freedom to choose. In the past, there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
restrictions
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
choosing our leaders and children deciding who they want to be in the future. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in democratic societies, and this means that we are able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
select
our leaders from a multiple
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "candidate"?
candidates
. Children
also
have more freedom to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
select
from a variety of career options, whom they would like to become
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.

In conclusion
, it is true that in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
we
are presented
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
choices. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view and believe that the presence of technology and the freedom we enjoy affords us this opportunity.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people believe that we have nowadays we have too many choices. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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