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Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To What extent do you agree or disagree with this statement. v.7

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. with this statement. v. 7
It is said that our daily lives are teeming with choices because of the significant industrial and technological development which occurred the last several decades. Although I agree with this idea to some extent if you live in an urban are, it’s not always the case for those in countryside. On the one hand, people living in a big city are now tired of the situation that is snowed under with too many choices you have to make. Take online shopping for example, there are not only many websites where you buy things, but also each websites has enormous variety of products for one type of thing you are planning to buy. As a result, people are struggling to choose a specific thing and they end up wasting large amount of time. Another example is that it’s getting more challenging to reach trust-worthy information. This is because there are so many mass media that some of them broadcast fake news which confuse people who are well educated enough to judge what is true and what is not. On the other hand, people living in a rural area don’t always appreciate the development. There was an article saying that recently the number of people who move out of city to seek for laid-back life style in a small town had been increasing. According to the paper, it is because people feel more comfortable in the environment with less options and decisions to make. Actually, there are even places in my country where no Internet is available. Surely, compared to urban people, those who live in countryside don’t have many choices in their life. In conclusion, I don’t think the situation that you have too many choices don’t always apply to everyone. However it depends on where you live.
It
is said
that our daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
are teeming with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the significant industrial and technological development which occurred the last several decades. Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent if you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in an urban are, it’s not always the case for those in countryside.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
tired of the situation that
is snowed
under with too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
. Take online shopping
for example
, there are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
websites where you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "website"?
websites
has enormous variety of products for one type of thing you are planning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are struggling to choose a specific
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
thing and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up wasting large amount of time. Another example is that it’s getting more challenging
Did you mean "reaching"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'challenge' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to reach
trust-worthy information. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
mass media that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them broadcast fake news which confuse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to judge what is true and what is not.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in a rural area don’t always appreciate the development. There was an article saying that recently the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out of city to seek for laid-back life style in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
town had been increasing. According to the paper, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel more comfortable in the environment with
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun options is countable.
less
options and decisions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
. Actually, there are even places in my country where no Internet is available.
Surely
, compared to urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in countryside don’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
in their life.

In conclusion
, I don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the situation that you have too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
don’t always apply to everyone.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
it depends on where you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. with this statement. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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