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Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v. 107 v.33

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. with this statement? v. 107 v. 33
In the modern days people are having numerous choices in their lives, from food, clothing, education as well as communication. Indeed, I agree with this viewpoint, because technology has changed our lives over the years in a very comfortable and convenient manner. Firstly, in the education people has more options to choose nowadays rather than in the past, because of their interest to learn and work in different sectors. In olden times, the most popular studies were the medical or the engineering, whereas other courses did not have much scope and recognition. Nowadays, courses like art, fashion designing, charted accounts and others have become popular and also gaining more support from students and parents. In addition to this, in the past, there were only limited channels on the television to watch by the people. However, these days there are a number of channels, websites and videos that provide entertainment to humans. For instance, when I was a child, we used to have only 3 animation channels like cartoon network, pogo and Disney, whereas now thousands of series and movies are available through services like Netflix, Prime and Hotstar. Alongside, the technology has influenced the communication system greatly. Although 10 years back even if a person has to pass an urgent information to his family or relatives, it is done either through telegrams or landline phones were signals were improper. Whereas, with the development of the technology this has changed vastly, where people are able to communicate through mobile phones, emailing and chatting via online like Facebook, WhatsApp and Instagram at an easy pace. For example, last week at our office, we received a mail regarding the urgent need of blood for a patient in Apollo hospital and this message was passed on through WhatsApp groups. Indeed, many people have responded to this message and the person received the blood immediately. To conclude, the current generation is blessed with many facilities and options, so that they could pick up the one’s they like to do and live their life as they wish.
In the modern days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are having numerous choices in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, from food, clothing, education
as well
as communication.
Indeed
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this viewpoint,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
over the years in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
comfortable and convenient manner.

Firstly
, in the education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
more options to choose nowadays
rather
than in the past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their interest to learn and work in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sectors. In olden times, the most popular studies were the medical or the engineering, whereas other courses did not have much scope and recognition. Nowadays, courses like art, fashion designing, charted accounts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
have become popular and
also
gaining more support from students and parents.
In addition
to this, in the past, there were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
limited channels on the television to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, these days there are a number of channels, websites and videos that provide entertainment to humans.
For instance
, when I was a child, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3 animation channels like cartoon network,
Possible spelling mistake found.
pogo
and Disney, whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
thousands of series and movies are available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
services like Netflix, Prime and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hotstar
.

Alongside, the technology has influenced the communication system
greatly
. Although 10 years back even if a person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
pass
'information' is a mass noun (i.e., uncountable). Therefore, the preceding 'an' is probably wrong.
an urgent information
to his family or relatives, it
is done
either
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
telegrams or landline phones
Did you mean "where signals were"?
were signals were
improper. Whereas, with the development of the technology this has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
vastly
, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to communicate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
mobile phones, emailing and chatting via online like Facebook, WhatsApp and Instagram at an easy pace.
For example
, last week at our office, we received a mail regarding the urgent need of blood for a patient in Apollo hospital and this message
was passed
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
WhatsApp groups.
Indeed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have responded to this message and the person received the blood immediately.

To conclude
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation
is blessed
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
facilities and options,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they could pick up the one’s they like to do and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their life as they wish.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. with this statement? v. 107 v. 33

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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