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Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.3

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. with this statement? v. 3
Choices are the spices in life. Some people think that life offers too many choices to people, while others believe that this is not the case. We experience the same climate every year and for this reason I strongly disagree with those who claim that life offers too many options. Those who claim that life gives many options genuinely believe it because they change their outfits everyday. This is to say they look at the wide variety of clothings and accessories in the market and they think these are the main issues of life. For example, they think changing their wristwatches and shoes everyday is the reason we are in this world. This has made them erroneously conclude that life is offering them great choices. However, I agree with those who say life choices are limited because we go through the same cycle of raining and sunny seasons every year. In other words, these climate pattern dictates all we do and does not allow us enjoy certain benefits as could be enjoyed if there were more options. For instance, imagine if we had snow fall sandwiched in between the rainy and sunny seasons in some years and in some other years flowers falling from the sky. That would have been great and would result in revenue for countries where this happens because people will start visiting such places for their vacations. Another good reason is that we basically eat only 6 classes of food. This is not a wide variety because we are basically eating the same thing every time. As an example, if we had 12 or even 20 classes of food, then people will be healthier and live longer. In conclusion, although some people think people have many choices these days, I strongly disagree with their opinion because seeing that there are only fewer classes of food.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Choices
are the spices in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
offers too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, while others believe that this is not the case. We experience the same climate every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
and
for this reason
I
strongly
disagree with those who claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
offers too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
options.

Those who claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
options
genuinely
believe it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their outfits
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
. This is to say they look at the wide variety of
Possible spelling mistake found.
clothings
and accessories in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
market and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
these are the main issues of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
changing their wristwatches and shoes
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
is the reason we are in this world. This has made them
erroneously
conclude that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is offering them great choices.

However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
are limited
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we go through the same cycle of raining and sunny seasons every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
In other words
, these climate pattern dictates all we do and does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us
Please check whether 'to' is missing here (to allow to do something).
enjoy
certain benefits as could
be enjoyed
if there were more options.
For instance
, imagine if we had snow fall sandwiched in between the rainy and sunny seasons in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
years and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other years flowers falling from the sky. That would have been great and would result in revenue for countries where this happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
visiting such places for their vacations. Another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason is that we
basically
eat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
6 classes of food. This is not a wide variety
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we are
basically
eating the same thing every time. As an example, if we had 12 or even 20 classes of food, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be healthier and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
these days, I
strongly
disagree with their opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
seeing that there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fewer classes of food.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. with this statement? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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