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Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.13

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. with this statement? v. 13
In recent times, some people are of the opinion that we have too many choices to make about several issues of life. I completely agree with this view and in these essay, I will explain why. Firstly, we are in a knowledge and information era where loads of valuable information about any subject of life can be easily accessible. For example, in recent times, people can log on to various internet sites using their mobile phones or laptops too get information about certain choices they need to take concerning any subject matter. As a result, they will have a variety of options to choose from. Therefore, it is clear that people today have too many choices to make. Furthermore, technological advancements have made the world a global village today. With the advent of different modes of transportation which include aircrafts, vehicles and trains, people have many options of transportation to choose from. For instance, these days, many people choose to travel by air instead of travelling by sea as it was the norm in the past. Also, in the area of health, with the availability of sophisticated medical tools and equipment to diagnose and treat ailments, people can choose between orthodox traditional medicine or safer hospital care which is more effective. For instance, in my country Nigeria an overwhelming number of people now present to the hospital to be treated by a qualified medical doctor for their ailments. To sum it up, because of so much availability of information and technological advancements in various fields, people are faced with various choices to make which I believe is a welcome development.
In recent times,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that we have too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
about several issues of life. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view and in these essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why.

Firstly
, we are in a knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
era where loads of valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about any subject of life can be
easily
accessible.
For example
, in recent times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can log on to various internet sites using their mobile phones or laptops too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
they need to take concerning any
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "subject".
subject matter
.
As a result
, they will have a variety of options to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
from.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
have too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
.

Furthermore
, technological advancements have made the world a global village
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. With the advent of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
modes of transportation which include
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "aircraft", the plural form of the noun 'aircraft'?
aircrafts
, vehicles and trains,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
options of transportation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
from.
For instance
, these days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
to travel by air
instead
of travelling by sea as it was the norm in the past.
Also
, in the area of health, with the availability of sophisticated medical tools and equipment to diagnose and treat ailments,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
between orthodox traditional medicine or safer hospital care which is more effective.
For instance
, in my country Nigeria an overwhelming number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
present to the hospital to
be treated
by a qualified medical doctor for their ailments.

To sum it up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and technological advancements in various fields,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are faced
with various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
which I believe is a welcome development.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. with this statement? v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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