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Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. v.6

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. v. 6
Children now-a-days like to take their own decision. In this essay, I will discuss on how this situation seems unsuitable for the well-being of our society. On the other hand, there are sets of people who believe that opportunity is very much important for the children to help them realize and handle their own day to day life situations. First of all, In this fast paced world full of challenges, youngsters should learn to realize their responsibilities. As parents these days give flexibility to help them with these realizations, children take this privilege for granted. Most of the children get a feeling that no one's there to stop them from getting into any kind of stuff, which eventually gets them into numerous problems. Apart from everything these privileges make most of the children only think of themselves. On the other side, The freedom to be given to younger ones seems very much required. Although the world is moving forward, society tends to get smarter and smarter with that, and those children who may not realize some situations, may eventually get cheated on. Therefore, this openness is very much required for the teenagers to learn from their mistakes from the very beginning, so that they may know the good of the world as well as the bitter truth of the darker side. In my opinion, I believe that right must be given to the youngster's as it is very much needed for them to gain knowledge about the world. Moreover, it is also the responsibility of the guardians of the young one's to know whether that freedom is being utilized by them genuinely. And if not, then they may guide their children about their steps and responsibilities, consequently, this will be beneficial for the society also at the long run.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
-a-days like to take their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decision. In this essay, I will discuss on how this situation seems unsuitable for the well-being of our society.
On the other hand
, there are sets of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that opportunity is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them realize and handle their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life situations.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, In this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
full of challenges, youngsters should learn to realize their responsibilities. As parents these days give flexibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them with these realizations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
take this privilege for granted. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a feeling that no one's there to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
them from getting into any kind of stuff, which
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
them into numerous problems. Apart from everything these privileges
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of themselves.

On the other side, The freedom to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to younger ones seems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
required. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is moving forward, society tends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
smarter and smarter with that, and those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who may not realize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations, may
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
cheated on.
Therefore
, this openness is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
required for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to learn from their mistakes from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beginning,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they may know the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
as well
as the bitter truth of the darker side.

In my opinion, I believe that right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the youngster's as it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
much needed
for them to gain knowledge about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
Moreover
, it is
also
the responsibility of the guardians of the young one's to know whether that freedom is
being utilized
by them
genuinely
. And if not, then they may guide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about their steps and responsibilities,
consequently
, this will be beneficial for the society
also
at the long run.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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